TA: Reassure Best Friend
Aug. 5th, 2014 02:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twinarmagedons posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
thisgamewasneverbetadTA:
okay ii2 thii2 kk?
CG:
YES
WHERE ARE YOU ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?
TA:
jegu2 2hiit clam your tiit2 iit'2 cool.
CG:
NOBODY'S FUCKING HERE EXCEPT MY MEATSACK AND ERIDAN WHAT HAPPENED
NO FUCK YOU
FUCK YOURSELF WITH A STICK IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF COOL
TA:
we're on lotaf.
gettiing tz patched up and 2hiit.
iit'2 fiine.
CG:
IT'S SO UNCOOL I'M MAKING UP STATEMENTSL LIKE FUCK YOURSELF WITH A STICK HOW UNCREATIVE AND JUVINILE IS THAT
OH.
OH OKAY.
OKAY, JEGUS.
TA:
yeah no 2orry we're both good, gz'2 off 2piinniing hii2 glute2 iin the cold reache2 of 2pace liike an e2peciially 2hiitty top.
the kiind that make2 you want two put your tele2cope away before iit burn2 out your ocular2 from how hiideou2 iit ii2.
CG:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN SPACE JUST LIKE FLOATING AROUND BETWEEN THE PLANETS?!
TA:
probably.
TA:
maybe a horrorterror ate hiim, that'd be a great conclu2iion two thii2 2ea of fuck2hiit boarderiing the hiideou2 fuckery beach.
ehehehehe.
tz what the fuck hold on.
CG:
OH YEAH THAT'D BE NICE AND CLEAN LET'S JUST ALL SIT BACK AND HOPE THAT HAPPENS WHILE WE PICK OUR- -- OKAY
TA:
2orry not you.
ii have two fiix thii2 2hiit 2o iit doe2n't piick up 2tray flapblather.
TA:
not bad for 2omethiing ii pulled out of my glute2 though ehehe. the handle 2electiion ii2 2tiill fucked though.
CG:
OH WELL.
IF PICKING OUT ASSHOLES TO SPIT ALL OVER IS THE EXTENT OF OUR PROBLEMS THEN I GUESS IT'S JUST ALL FUCKING WELL THAT ENDS NOT IN A BIG FUCKING PILE OF BLOOD, ISN'T IT?!?!
TA:
ehehehehe yeah, 2omeone 2hould alchemiize u2 up a bunch of medal2 for the occa2iion.
TA:
the "pretty fuckiing good all thiing2 con2iidered" award.
CG:
WHAT
THE
CG:
FUCK
TA:
what?
CG:
IT WAS THE OPPOSITE OF GOOD IT WAS FUCKING HORRIBLE
TA:
we aren't dead.
deader than u2ual.
2orry about your body p2.
CG:
FUCK MY BODY, LET THAT BE A LESSON TO IT FOR BEING SUCH A USELESS PILE OF CRAP
TA:
yeah 2omeone go piick iit up from lotam 2o we can 2tuff iit and hang iit iin pro2piit two be a con2tant remiinder whiile ii thra2h your glute2 next tiime we play mariio kart.
CG:
IF I CAN PRY IT OUT FROM ERIDAN'S FUCKING DEATHGRIP, THEN YES, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE RIGHTFUL FUCKING FATE THAT'S DESERVED.
TA:
yeah he keep2 tryiing two fuck my auralcanal wiith a 2teady 2tream of piing2. ii gue22 ii 2hould 2ee what he want2.
CG:
YEAH OH I FUCKING GUESS.
JEGUS.
ALSO, NO, EQUIUS DIED.
APPARENTLY
TA:
oh 2hiit.
well fuck.
CG:
AND IS NOW CURRENTLY ENJOYING EXISTENCE AS A HALF TROLL, HALF SPRITE ABOMINATION
COURTESY OF OUR FAVORITE SACK OF HAIR
SO SCORE ONE MORE FUCKING POINT FOR MAKARA FUCKING SHIT UP!!!!!!
TA:
oh my 2hiit.
okay that'2 2ort of funny but wow.
CG:
IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY IT'S
I MEAN I GUESS IT'S A LITTLE FUNNY.
BUT IT SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED
TA:
don't liie to your2elf iit'2 at lea2t half funny.
CG:
YOUR HIDEOUS FACE IS HALF FUNNY.
THIS IS ANOTHER RANK FAILURE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHICH IS RESTING CLEANLY IN MY YELLOW PAJAMA'D LAP
TA:
ehehehe yeah tz 2ay2 iit'2 pretty hiideou2 now.
ii can't waiit two gro22 ed out.
2omeone 2hould 2et up 2ome feed2 for iit for future viiewiifiicatiion plea2ure.
CG:
UH
WAIT ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC OR SHOULD I ACTUALLY APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING THAT OR
TA:
no ii'm pretty 2ure 2he wa2 2eriiou2 ehehehe. iit'2 goiing two be great.
CG:
OH SO IT'S JUST FINE, THEN, IT'S ALL HUNKY FUCKING DORY AND WE'LL ALL HOLD HANDS AND COMMUNE IN A DISGUSTING ORGY OF FINE FEELINGS AND ACCEPTANCE WHILE A MUTATED FEATHERBEAST STRUGGLES ON ITS PATH OVERHEAD AND CHOKES OUT A MERRY TUNE!
TA:
yep.
8|
ehehehehehe.
CG:
NO THAT'S STUPID!
TA:
wow okay yeah 2orry iit'2 the wor2t thiing ii've ever heard, 2omeone roll iin here wiith a corp2e2tone and a 2hovel 2o that we can bury our good friiend fun time2. here he liie2 and 2hiit, never two rii2e agaiin. boo fuckiing hoo.
CG:
REAL FUCKING CONVINCING, FUCKNUBS.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO
NOT DOING THAT THING YOU DO
ABOUT THIS!?!?
TA:
ii don't know, ii'm iin a good mood.
ii told you 2hiit'2 fiine, you two need two fuckiing troll up and clam your human tiit2 about thii2.
ed keep2 riidiing my bulge about how terriible 2hiit ii2 and won't 2hut hii2 flap about iit.
you 2hould pap that na2ty a22 2tat.
CG:
FIRSTLY, IT'S NOT FUCKING FINE
SECONDLY WHETHER I NOT PAPPING HIM ISN'T THE FUCKING POINT
BECAUSE AS WE RETURN TO POINT NUMBER ONE IT'S NOT FUCKING FINE
TA:
okay yeah iit 2uck2 you lo2t your backup liife.
and ii gue22 the eq thiing ii2 2hiitty even iif he'2 a fuckbag.
CG:
AND TEREZI'S HURT, SHITBAG
TA:
2he'll be okay when her liicker'2 healed. 2he'2 doiing better.
CG:
AND WASN'T THERE ONE MORE THING? HMMM WHAT THE FUCK WAS IT AGAIN, I CAN HARDLY REMEMBER SUCH A MINOR DETAIL IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF BULLSHIT
IS SHE?
TA:
uh
yeah better than 2he wa2 on lotam.
CG:
OKAY. GOOD. TELL HER I SAY HI, OKAY?
SANS FUCKING SASS
TA:
2he keep2 tryiing two get her miit2 over my 2hiitgrubbiing head2et.
yeah okay hold on.
kk 2ay2 hii.
fuck!
okay 2he 2ay2 hii back.
wiith a 2urprii2iinglyount of liickerwaviing.
CG:
YEAH WELL NO SHIT
TA:
2he can't u2e the head2et but you want me two tell her two come over or 2omethiing?
CG:
IF ANYBODY IS COMING OVER TO ANYWHERE IT'S GOING TO BE THE ONE FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO CAN TELL WHERE HE'S GOING
CG:
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BARGE IN, I GUESS.
TA:
yeah ii'll a2k.
uuhh iin a miinute.
CG:
YEAH
YEAH THAT'S FINE I DON'T THINK I'M GOING ANYWHERE RIGHT THIS FUCKING SECOND ANYWAY
TA:
where are you?
CG:
TAVROS' PLANET
TA:
0kay c00l.
waiit n0t c00l at all why the 2hiit are y0u iin that chumph0le?
CG:
OH YOU KNOW I THOUGH, WOW I HAVEN'T SEEN MY GOOD FUCKING BUDDY TAVROS IN A WHILE
MIGHT AS WELL STOP IN AND SEE HOW HE'S DOING
IT WAS THE NEXT FUCKING THING THROUGH THE GATES, DUMBSHIT
CG:
SINCE NOBODY WAS LEFT AT GAMZEE'S FUCKING HIVE
TA:
20 what, n0w y0u tw0 l02er2 are 2iitiing iin a metriic glutel0ad 0f 2and, 2l0wly turniing iit iint0 a beach a2 y0ur faceplate2 leak iin mutual unnece22ary 20rr0w?
CG:
AND ERIDAN WOULDN'T STOP FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT OVER MY WEEPY RED SACK OF BIOLOGICAL ACCIDENTS
TA:
wow okay fuck that quiirk.
CG:
YEAH
PRETTY FUCKING MUCH!
IT'S TRULY A ROMANTIC SCENE FOR THE AGES.
TA:
gro22.
well tell hiim two let iit go and briing iit over for our candleliit hate date 2o ii can have iit 2tuffed at the neare2t carapace taxadermy center for all your bff plu2hiifyiing need2.
CG:
FUCK THAT, IT'S ROTTING AWAY ON LOTAM
TA:
double gro22.
CG:
YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT. LET IT SIT THERE, A HORRIBLE TESTIMENT TO WHAT HAPPENS WHEN EVERYBODY FUCKING FORGETS WHAT TERRIBLE DAMN DECISIONS I MAKE.
TA:
kk iit wa2n't your fault.
everyone undere2tiimated hiim.
CG:
THE WHOLE FUCKING THING FROM BEGINNING TO END HAS BEEN A COMPLETE JOKE OF NEGLECT AND FORGETFULNESS, CULMINATING IN A COMPLETELY HAMFISTED AND IDIOTIC ATTEMPT AT BEING BADASSES WHICH BACKFIRED INTO SHEER UTTER FUCKING STUPIDITY
CG:
LET'S JUST TALK IT THE FUCK OUT LIKE MORONS! WOW, WHAT A GREAT STRATEGY. REAL IMPERIAL GRADE AWARD FOR THAT SHIT.
TA:
yeah well take iit up wiith the iimperiial court of whatever the fuck, that'2 how iinve2tiigatiion2 work ii gue22.
and yeah ii know, iit wa2 my own fault for 2tandiing around liike a bulgeweed.
CG:
I MEANT AFTER THAT PART BUT WHATEVER.
TA:
you 2howed up iin the ro2ter of noii2y dead fucknut2 and iit dii2tracted me.
CG:
OH.
WELL
SORRY, I GUESS
FUCK
TA:
waterever, beiing bliind ii2 great.
now ii know why tz alway2 cream2 her bulge over iit ehehehe.
CG:
JEGUS FUCK YOU TWO ARE EQUALLY TERRIBLE.
AND WEIRD.
TA:
probably. 8|
CG:
AND FURTHER TERRIBLE.
TA:
iit'2 2o QUIIET.
iit'2 great.
CG:
WHAT THE FUCK, HOW IS LOSING YOUR EYES AFFECTING YOUR FUCKING HEARING
DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD TOO? IS THIS THE PANDAMAGE EXPRESS?
TA:
ii don't know, but the 2hiit parade of dead a22hole2 got a lot quiieter.
CG:
THAT'S...WEIRD.
TA:
2o now ii can THIINK and pay attentiion and iit'2 pretty much the be2t 2hiitgrubbiing thiing two ever happen.
TA:
good job gz, you hiideou2 2ack of bulgewa2te.
yeah iit'2 weiird but who care2. ii thiink ii 2hould 2tart back wiith my doom 2hiit now two.
CG:
UH
YEAH.
OKAY.
TA:
are you okay two? other than all the fuckiing wiiggler grade faceplate leakiing and na2ty pap2.
CG:
IT'S FUCKING FINE; MY DREAM BODY WAS IN GREAT FUCKING SHAPE EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE IT FELT THE NEED TO TRY AND RECREATE MY PREVIOUSLY EMPTIED NUTRITIONAL SACK
BUT WHATEVER FUCK THAT IT'S FINE.
WHO GIVES A SHIT.
TA:
quadruple gro22.
CG:
YEAH IT WAS PRETTY FOUL, DEFINITELY WORTHY OF RANKING UP THERE WITH ALL THE OTHER PARTICULAR VULGARITIES OF THE FUCKING NIGHT
TA:
2omeone open a new memo 2o that we can lii2tiify thii2 trave2ty.
CG:
SHIT
FUCK
YEAH ACTUALLY WHAT THE I DOING WE SHOULD MAKE A MEMO
TA:
yeah gOOd call.
fuck that look2 2tupiid two!
CG:
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO DO
TA:
update my quiirk two reflect my new faceh0le 2tatu2.
CG:
WELL IT LOOKS LIKE WRIGGLERS FIRST KEYBOARD SMASHINGS SO STOP
TA:
what are you flappiing your maw about, iit look2 nothiing liike your quiirk ehehehe.
CG:
MY QUIRK IS A PARAGON OF READABILITY
AND CLEAR COMMUNICATION
TA:
your quiirk look2 liike 2omeone forgot where the cap2lock ii2.
CG:
WELL IT'S A GOOD FUCKING THING YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT IT, THEN, ISN'T IT
TA:
wow 2iick burn how diidn't ii 2ee that comiing?
oh riight.
II'M BLIIND!
CG:
AT LEAST NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR ANYMORE
ENDLESS NIGHTS OF BEING SPARED THAT AGONY AWAITY
TA:
yeah iit'2 a real treat, you ought two try iit before your face get2 any wor2e.
TA:
iin fact everyone here 2hould. iit'2 the new fad that'2 2weepiing the iicono2phere.
our 2e22iion can ju2t turn iinto a bumbliing epii2ode of 12 2tooge2.
CG:
YEAH WHAT A FANTASTIC IDEA, WE'LL ALL JUST WANDER AROUND SMASHING INTO EACH OTHER
IT'LL BE LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING NIGHT OF MY LIFE
FULL OF IDIOTS AND OBNOXIOUS ATTEMPTS AT HUMOROUS IRONY THAT ALL, FUNDEMENTALLY, SERVE TO REMIND ME OF MY OWN FAILURE AT CORRALING YOU SHITHEELS INTO SOMETHING USEFUL
LET'S GET ON THAT ASAP
NO TIME TO WASTE
TA:
already one 2iixth of the way there, beep beep tiime two move thii2 faiiltraiin out.
oh fuck ii can't do the 2iiren2 anymore.
well fuck.
CG:
BETTER PICK A NEW FUCKING TITLE THEN
TA:
okay you got me there, that'2 one 2hiitty thiing about thii2 fiia2co.
CG:
JEGUS.
TA:
okay can you ju2t.
do 2omethiing about ed?
he'2 fuckiing kiilliing my buzz here.
CG:
YEAH
I'LL MESSAGE YOU SAD COLLECTION OF ELBOWS LATER
TA:
yeah 2ound2 good.
tz want2 two 2iit down anyway.
TA:
ii'll piing you when 2he want2 two 2ay hii okay? or hook her up wiith one of my machiine2 that ii2n't 2trapped two my head liike a 2weet fa2hiion acce22ory.
CG:
YEAH OKAY.
< < SOME PERIOD OF TIME LATER! >>
TA:
hey tz'2 a2leap.
but 2he 2ay2 2he'll piing you tomorrow niiight.
you're goiing two have two talk two her over trollian though.
or paper ii gue22 iif you're iinto that.
FUCK diid ii fuckiing me22age the wrong 2hiitgrubbiing per2on agaiin? fuckiing 2hiit.
CG:
HEY
NO YOU GOT IT
GOOD FUCKING JOB
TA:
oh hey. okay good.
CG:
HOW MANY TIMES DID IT TAKE OR DID YOU GET IT ON THE SECOND TRY
TA:
wow ii don't even have two make a pun for that one ehehehe. ii'm ju2t goiing two lay back and let you do all the work for me.
CG:
WOW FUCK THAT. EXTEND A SINGLE SYMPATHETIC PUN IN YOUR DIRECTION AND YOU FLOP OVER TO BECOME A LAZY, USELESS ASSHOLE. PUN REVOKED. CONVERSATION REVOKED.
TA:
ii'm collectiing on iimperiial dii2iibiiliity now, iit'2 allowed.
at lea2t two pun2 a day have two be 2uppliimented.
CG:
BULLSHIT, GO GET THAT SHIT FROM TEREZI WHENEVER SHE WAKES UP. OR THAT HIDEOUS FUCK OF A BULLSHIT SUPPOSED HATCHCLONE.
TA:
oh 2hiit.
wow ii fuckiing forgot about hiim fuck.
CG:
YEAH WELL ALL THIS SHIT HAS BEEN ONE LONG SHITHIVES JOURNEY INTO
I DON'T KNOW
I FORGOT UNTIL I STARTED MAKING A LIST OF SHIT TO DO
CG:
RIGHT UNDER 'MAKE SURE THE HUMANS ACTUALLY CLOSED THEIR SESSION AND DIDN'T JUST SPEW OUT A BUNCH OF BIG TALK ABOUT IT' AND ABOVE 'DISPOSE OF PUTRIFIED MEATSACK'
'HATCHCLONES: WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT'. AN ACTION ITEM.
TA:
fuck that. ii have two kiick l2s iin the human diick untiil he let2 the new troll2 iin two.
then he can clo2e them.
unle22 they're on pro2piit two.
CG:
UNLESS YOU CAN GUARENFUCKINGTEE THAT GAMZEE WAS TOSSED IN THE EXACT DIRECTION OF AN OPEN AND AWAITING HORRORTERROR MAW, LETTING STRANGERS PARADE THEIR IDIOT ASSES ALL OVER THE SESSION IS A FUCKHORRIBLE IDEA
ON PAR WITH PRETTY MUCH EVERY OTHER IDEA I'VE HAD IN THE LAST THREE NIGHTS
TA:
ii have no iidea where ii to22ed hiim.
ii'm bliind remember.
TA:
0_0
okay that'2 fuckiing 2tupiid two jegu2 2hiit.
CG:
YEAH LET'S ALL HAVE A FUCKING CHUCKLE.
JEGUS.
TA:
ehehehe.
happy?
CG:
YEAH I GUESS
CLOSE ENOUGH
TA:
that'2 worth at lea2t four free pun2 accordiing two the new rule2.
CG:
YEAH HERE LET ME GENTLY SCRAWL OUT A COUPON FOR THOSE, TO BE REDEEMED AT ANY FUTURE POINT, WRITTEN IN THE SPITEFUL BILE OF MY DISGUST.
TA:
2weet, ii'll be 2ure two loviingly tuck them away iin my ocular2 for 2afe keepiing.
CG:
OH MY FUCK FUCK YOU
YOU ARE A DISGUSTING FUCK AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED.
I'M ASHAMED FOR YOU.
CG:
I'M ASHAMED FOR WHATEVER JADEBLOOD WAS OBVIOUSLY SOPORED AT THE MOMENT OF YOUR MIRACULOUS ESCAPE INTO THE TRIAL CAVERNS
I'M ASHAMED FOR YOUR ANCESTOR, WHOEVER HE WAS
TA:
be 2ure two 2ave 2ome of that for your2elf, fuck know2 you need iit.
probably 2ome diickweed.
CG:
YEAH NO SHIT
MY WELLS OF SHAME ARE DEEP AND UNSTOPPABLE, AN EVER-RENEWABLE RESOURCE WITH ENOUGH FOR ALL
LIKE SOME KIND OF BEAUTIFUL, IDYLLIC UTOPIA
SAD TRAVELERS AND POOR NOMADS ALL STOP
TO REFILL THEIR SHAME SUPPLIES
AND YET THE SUPPLY REMAINS.
CG:
SO DON'T GRIND DOWN WHATEVER'S LEFT OF YOUR TEETH WORRYING ABOUT HOW ASHAMED I AM FOR MYSELF, FUCKSTICK.
TA:
don't knot your bulge over that, my teeth are 2tiill a 2hiiniing example of ma2terful gleamiing bull2hiit compared two your mouth of 2ad fiiguratiive a22hole2.
even iif that fuck2hiit diid knock one out.
CG:
SPOILER: GRUBBY AND COATED IN ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR POWDER DOESN'T ACTUALLY CONSTITUTE "GLEAMING" BY ANY STANDARD
TA:
a grubriito a day keep2 the drone2 away ehehehe.
CG:
UNTIL YOUR FANGS ROT THROUGH AND FALL OUT
TA:
but hey ii've got iit on good authoriity that they're 2parkly a2 a god tiier'2 extra appendage2 now.
tz made me clean them.
CG:
JEGUS FUCK
WOW
...WOW
TA:
waterever. fuck you.
ii mean whatever.
fuck.
CG:
WELL
OKAY THAT'S GOOD THOUGH
RIGHT
TA:
ii2 my audiio tran2lator 2hiitiing the coon or am ii mii22iing 2ome bonu2 liine2 of iimpo22iible two under2tand kk driibbliing2?
CG:
YOUR AUDIO TRANSLATOR IS COMPLETE GARBAGE LIKE EVERYTHING YOU CODE BUT WHAT I FUCKING *MEANT* WAS THAT'S A PRETTY BLATANT FUCKING BIT OF MANAGING YOUR INTOLERABLE SHIT
TA:
ehehehe yeah thii2 thiing'2 a piiece a hoofbea2t2hiit.
and yeah ii gue22.
CG:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GUESS
IT FUCKING IS
CG:
SO WAS IT IN AN OFFICIAL CAPACITY OR....?
TA:
yeah.
ii mean we 2ort of had two 2top tapdanciing around the 2hiitgrubbiing paiiliing2ea2onfertiiliitypole around iit.
for thii2 level of ma22iive bull2hiit.
CG:
YEAH NOTHING LIKE EVERYBODY NEARLY GETTING MURDERED BY A HYPERACTIVE PSYCHOPATHIC EX-SOPOR ADDICT CLOWN TO REALLY
CEMENT THOSE DIAMOND SETTINGS
FUCK
TA:
even though ii diid a royally retarded job of tapiing her liicker up. iit wa2 2hiitgrubbiing 2hameful.
wow iit'2 2o romantiic when you put iit that way.
2omeone contact a 2mall priintiing pre22 2o that we can get your fiir2t novel off the ground.
CG:
FUCK YOU I'M A MASTER OF ROMANCE AND THAT IS A COMPLETE AND TRUTHFUL SUMMATION OF THE LEVEL OF ROMANCE INVOLVED
CG:
BUT WHATEVER. AT LEAST SOMETHING GOOD CAME OUT OF THIS FUCKERY.
TA:
you're a ma2ter of fiiguratiive bulge con2umiing a2 the re2ult of mii2erable ta2te iin fiictiion and other a22orted hobbiie2.
CG:
YOU WISH YOUR TASTED WAS A FRACTION AS REFINED AS MY OWN. IN FACT, I'M NOT EVEN BOTHERED BY THAT ACCUSATION, TOO OVERCOME WITH A SUDDEN AND COMPLETELY NONROMANTIC PITY FOR THE VACUOUS WASTEHOLE OF FILTH AND WRIGGLERSHIT YOU CALL TASTE.
TA:
protiip: anyone who rank2 troll tiitaniic over troll tron automatiically lo2e2 the riight two u2e biig po2tmolt word2 liike refiine and al2o fractiion. bzzz 2orry, try agaiin next 2weep.
CG:
YOUR FILMS ARE SAD TRASH AND SO ARE YOU
TA:
2ad tra2h wiith a 2weet new quadrant.
*_*
CG:
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE
TA:
a piiece of fuckiing 2hiit ii gue22.
thii2 ii2 hard.
ii don't remember the controll2 for the 2hiita22 character map.
CG:
JUST WEAR YOUR FUCKING GLASSES AND CONTINUE THE BULLSHIT THING YOU DID BEFORE
TA:
ii'm borrowiing tz'2. ii gue22 they're darker and al2o ii'm a daymarefueliing mon2trociity ehehe.
2o ii'm goiing two take them off next tiime ed 2wiing2 over.
CG:
YEAH WELL IT'S NOT LIKE HE HASN'T SEEN A GAPING EYESOCKET BEFORE SO GOOD LUCK WITH THAT JOURNEY INTO MUTUALLY PUKING EVERYWHERE
TA:
yeah but thii2 kiind of 2hiit pii22e2 hiim off.
TA:
fuckiing ye2 found iit.
?_?
CG:
HOLY FUCK
TA:
?_?
CG:
THAT IS LITERALLY THE MOST UPSETTING SHIT
WOW.
TA:
¦_ ¦
oh my 2hiit that one.
CG:
THANKS FOR THAT, CAPTOR, I DIDN'T REALIZE THE KEYBOARD COULD EVEN MAKE THOSE SYMBOLS
BUT OKAY
TA:
ju2t one more perk of beiing ape2hiit banana2 at thii2 collectiive bull2hiit ehehe.
CG:
HUZZAH FOR YOU, DO YOU WANT A FUCKING MEDAL?
TA:
look thii2 one'2 for kanaya.
?
two medal2 plea2e.
CG:
OH YEAH YOU COULD LODGE THEM IN THE EMPTY SOCKETS AND FRIGHTEN TINY GRUBS AND TAVROS
TA:
ii'll ju2t liie two everyone and 2ay they're my new golden robot eye2.
problem 2olved.
CG:
THAT'S RETARDED, JUST GO GET REAL ROBOT EYES, YOU RANK ASSTARD.
TA:
yeah from who?
eq'2 a hiideou2 2priite.
CG:
UGH. SHIT.
TA:
ii don't really care.
thii2 ii2 niice.
TA:
plu2 iit'2 not liike ii have two 2ee two type, ii haven't made one typo thii2 whole conver2atiion plu2 ii iinvented my 2weet new emote.
now 2hower me wiith metal2, fuck2tiick.
CG:
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m62u466B5D1r8zu6q.png
TA:
okay great job.
now what'2 iit 2ay?
CG:
GODDAMMIT
IT SAYS SOLLUX IS AN INTOLERABLE FUCKWIT
TA:
great job. you and a concu22ed bee are up for con2iideratiion for the 2a22iie2t joke award. iit'2 a dii2tiinguii2hed honor.
CG:
YEAH MAYBE YOU'LL QUALIFY FOR THE PRELIMINARIES NEXT SWEEP
I BELIEVE IN YOU, MAN, IT'S POSSIBLE IF YOU JUST KEEP DREAMING.
TA:
2orry previiou2 wiinner2 are dii2qualiifiied from future nomiinatiion2.
2hiit hang on.
tz'2 awake.
CG:
ARE YOU HANGING OUT AT THE BASE OF HER COON OR SOMETHING
TA:
nevermiind, fal2e alarm.
no 2he'2 iin the piile.
CG:
AND YOU FUCKING LEFT HER THERE?
TA:
jegu2 2hiit, clam your nonexii2tantrumble2phere2, ii'm iin iit two.
CG:
OH MY SHIT
TA:
what.
CG:
YOU BETTER FUCKING HOPE SHE DOESN'T WAKE UP, YOU TERRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A FLESHBAG
CG:
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY HAVING A STUPID ARGUMENT ABOUT EMOTICONS WITH ME WHILE YOU'RE STILL IN THE FUCKING PILE WITH YOUR NEWLY RAILED DIAMOND WHO ALSO BY THE WAY IS MY QUADRANT TOO WHICH MAKES THE LACK OF CONSIDERATION EXTRA STUPID
TA:
ii'm beiing con2iiderate you nookdriibbliing waffle.
that'2 why ii'm on the keyboard iin2tead of the miic.
CG:
OH!
WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE!~
A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF THOUGHTFULNESS FROM SOLLUX CAPTOR, MASTER OF GENTILITY
PLEASE, SIR, TEACH US ALL YOUR WAYS
TA:
you'll need two 2iign up for my iintro 2emiinar, my 2choolfeediing cla22 ii2 almo2t full.
CG:
OH YEAH RIGHT FUCKING AWAY, HOW MANY CAEGARS? I CAN'T LET THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN NEW LOWS OF FUCKING UP PASS BY
TA:
joiin me my young padawan. the 2ecret2 of true quadrant romance can be your2. guaranteed two thou2and tiime2 better than the rank bull2hiit iin that garbage crammed up on your 2ylladex'2 2torage 2helf.
?_?
CG:
YEAH PLEASE FORWARD THE INTRODUCTORY PORTION IMMEDIATELY SO I CAN CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY OWN INDIGNATION AT WHAT A SAD JOKE IT IS
TA:
the download'2 only avaiilable iin beenary.
gue22 you'll have two bru2h up on your programmiing 2kiillz before you become a true quadrant ma2ter.
CG:
WOW YEAH IT'S NOT AS THOUGH THOSE THINGS ARE COMPLETE POLAR OPPOSITES OR SOMETHING
ON ONE END OF THE SCALE, YOU HAVE A WELL ADJUSTED TROLL WITH FULL SQUARES, LIVING AN AVERAGE LIFE OF ROMANCE AND BEING A RESPECTED MEMBER OF SOCIETY
AND ON THE OTHER, THERE SITS PROGRAMMING MASTER, SOLLUX CAPTOR, ONE HAND TYPING AWAY AND THE OTHER WRAPPED AROUND HIS BULGE
CG:
A SLIDING SCALE THAT CAN END ON ONLY ONE POINT, NEVER THE TWO TO OVERLAP
TA:
you mean hu2kpalm.
ehehehehe.
CG:
OH YEAH FORGIVE MY TERRIBLE BREACH IN DETAIL ACCURACY
TA:
and 2tick out your tongue 2o that 2omeone can gently depo2iit an appetiizer 2iized bulge onto iit before your maiin cour2e of human diick2, ii'm the one 2iitiing iin my 2weet piile riight now.
CG:
YEAH WELL GO FUCK YOURSELF ON WHATEVER SERIES OF POINTY OBJECTS UNDOUBTEDLY WERE USED IN ITS CONSTRUCTION; NOT EVERYONE HERE IS A DECORUM LACKING PUKESACK WITH THE SOCIAL SKILLS OF A PARTICULARLY VIRULENT SWAMPY RASH
TA:
yeah true, ed ii2n't iin the room ehehe.
al2o re: ed.
ha2 he 2topped doiing whatever the 2hiit he wa2 doiing earliier?
CG:
WHAT SHIT
TA:
beiing a hy2teriical tool.
CG:
KIND OF
WAS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED HIM TO STOP ON TROLLIAN? FUCKING SHIT.
TA:
yeah.
CG:
YEAH, THE LEVEL OF OVERDRAMATIC DOUCHEFUCKERY HAS BEEN LOWERED WITHIN NONTOXIC LEVELS
TA:
yeah iit wa2 reachiing fuckiing criitiical ma22 and liiftiing off two orbiit.
and then he fuckiing 2wan dove off the chat iin a huff about you and god tiier ii gue22. jegu2 fuck.
CG:
JEGUS.
YEAH THAT'S A COMPLETELY FUCKING APPROPRIATE AVENUE TO AIR THAT SERIES OF WEEPING COMPLAINTS
TA:
wow 2omeone need2 two repriint that 2hiitty unreadable medal 2o that ii can relabel iit wiith a 2hiiny new captaiin obviiou2 award.
ii mean ii gue22 ii get iit iif he'2 pii22ed about gz fuckiing up hii2 piitch 2hiit.
TA:
but what the fuck.
CG:
THE WHOLE NIGHT WAS JUST
STUPID.
TA:
god tiier 2hiit ii2 not my bu2iine22.
yeah.
CG:
FUCKING GOD TIER.
WHO GIVES A SHIT ANYWAY. BIG FUCKING DEAL; IT'S NOT LIKE MY POWERS ARE REMOTELY FUCKING HELPFUL WHEN THEY'RE ACTUALLY NEEDED, SO CHASING DOWN A BRIGHT FLASHY UPGRADE IS SO FAR DOWN THE PATHWAY TO NOBODY-GIVES-A-FUCK-VILLE YOU MIGHT AS WELL TAKE A PERIGEE'S WORTH OF CLOTHES WITH YOU
(WHICH IS A LOT, FOR NORMAL PEOPLE)
CG:
(JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD CLARIFY IN CASE YOU MISSED THE CONTEXT THERE)
TA:
fa2hiion ii2 for chump2.
not iincludiing kn.
CG:
IT'S NOT EVEN FUCKING FASHION IT'S CALLED CLEANLINESS, ASSMUNCH, IT HELPS WITH THAT ISSUE WHERE EVERYONE THINKS YOU REEK
TA:
yeah well tz made me piitch my 2hiirt two.
2o tiime for you two throw a party.
TA:
2omeone 2trongarm the human2 iinto briingiing more pa2tryde2ert2.
CG:
YEAH I'LL PUT IN THAT REQUEST WITH THEM RIGHT AWAY
A THOUSAND BISCUIT COOKIES
JUST FOR THE GLORIOUS CORPSEPARTY WE'RE THROWING FOR YOUR SHIRT
TA:
yep.
goodbye, na2ty goo2taiined tra2h.
you liived a good liife.
ii'll wriite that on iit2 corp2e2tone.
and 2priinkle a goodbye du2tiing of grubriito2 over iit.
CG:
TRULY ITS THE NOBLE END IT DESERVED.
TA:
hey 2o ed'2 annoyiing hoofbea2t2hiit a2iide, 2orry about your 2pare and the gt 2hiit.
that 2hiit 2uck2.
CG:
YEAH, WELL, IT'S PRETTY MUCH MY OWN FAULT FOR. WOW, EVERY SINGLE DECISION AND CALL I MADE OVER THIS BULLSHIT SINCE DAY ONE? SO BRING ON THE JUSTLY DESERVED RESULTS OF SUCH EMBARRASSING STUPIDITY IT WOULD HAVE SERVED ME RIGHT TO NOT HAVE GOTTEN A REVIVAL KISS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
TA:
wow yeah becau2e me or tz would've ever let that happen.
even iif you are a foul 2melliing noob2taiin.
CG:
THANK FUCK FOR YOUR MUTUAL BAD TASTE, THEN
TA:
ehehehehe 2hiit yeah.
CG:
WHO SHOULD I BE SENDING THE SYMPATHY PLANT COLLECTION TO, ANYWAY?
"SORRY FOR A PUKE INDUCING LIPLOCK"
TA:
tz.
TA:
2he 2aved everyone from a hiideou2ly embarra22iing 2equence of event2 that can't be repeated on iimperiial 2choolfeediing.
iin whiich 2ollux captor triie2 two reviive hii2 dead friiend viia 2moochiing but can't fiind the body.
a play iin two part2.
CG:
TOO FUCKING BAD, THAT'S AN AWARD WINNING COMEDY IF I'VE EVER HEARD OF ONE
INSTANT FAME AND FORTUNE, LOST FOREVER
TA:
yeah iit'2 riight up there wiith do 2priite2 excrete gho2t2weat the new 2ma2h hiit 2iitcom.
CG:
YEAH IT'S THE WHOLE NEW PERIGEE'S LINE UP
THROW IN SOMETHING WITH SOME DEAD ALIENS AND WE'VE GOT A HIT CHANNEL
DO SPRITES HAVE TROLLIAN?
TA:
ii don't know, ii haven't triied before.
maybe?
CG:
YEAH I GUESS I'LL FUCKING SEE!
TA:
oh fuck.
tz'2 awake.
bbl
CG:
YEAH ALRIGHT
TA:
<< TWINARMAGEDDONS HAS GONE OFFLINE! >>
okay ii2 thii2 kk?
CG:
YES
WHERE ARE YOU ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?
TA:
jegu2 2hiit clam your tiit2 iit'2 cool.
CG:
NOBODY'S FUCKING HERE EXCEPT MY MEATSACK AND ERIDAN WHAT HAPPENED
NO FUCK YOU
FUCK YOURSELF WITH A STICK IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF COOL
TA:
we're on lotaf.
gettiing tz patched up and 2hiit.
iit'2 fiine.
CG:
IT'S SO UNCOOL I'M MAKING UP STATEMENTSL LIKE FUCK YOURSELF WITH A STICK HOW UNCREATIVE AND JUVINILE IS THAT
OH.
OH OKAY.
OKAY, JEGUS.
TA:
yeah no 2orry we're both good, gz'2 off 2piinniing hii2 glute2 iin the cold reache2 of 2pace liike an e2peciially 2hiitty top.
the kiind that make2 you want two put your tele2cope away before iit burn2 out your ocular2 from how hiideou2 iit ii2.
CG:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN SPACE JUST LIKE FLOATING AROUND BETWEEN THE PLANETS?!
TA:
probably.
TA:
maybe a horrorterror ate hiim, that'd be a great conclu2iion two thii2 2ea of fuck2hiit boarderiing the hiideou2 fuckery beach.
ehehehehe.
tz what the fuck hold on.
CG:
OH YEAH THAT'D BE NICE AND CLEAN LET'S JUST ALL SIT BACK AND HOPE THAT HAPPENS WHILE WE PICK OUR- -- OKAY
TA:
2orry not you.
ii have two fiix thii2 2hiit 2o iit doe2n't piick up 2tray flapblather.
TA:
not bad for 2omethiing ii pulled out of my glute2 though ehehe. the handle 2electiion ii2 2tiill fucked though.
CG:
OH WELL.
IF PICKING OUT ASSHOLES TO SPIT ALL OVER IS THE EXTENT OF OUR PROBLEMS THEN I GUESS IT'S JUST ALL FUCKING WELL THAT ENDS NOT IN A BIG FUCKING PILE OF BLOOD, ISN'T IT?!?!
TA:
ehehehehe yeah, 2omeone 2hould alchemiize u2 up a bunch of medal2 for the occa2iion.
TA:
the "pretty fuckiing good all thiing2 con2iidered" award.
CG:
WHAT
THE
CG:
FUCK
TA:
what?
CG:
IT WAS THE OPPOSITE OF GOOD IT WAS FUCKING HORRIBLE
TA:
we aren't dead.
deader than u2ual.
2orry about your body p2.
CG:
FUCK MY BODY, LET THAT BE A LESSON TO IT FOR BEING SUCH A USELESS PILE OF CRAP
TA:
yeah 2omeone go piick iit up from lotam 2o we can 2tuff iit and hang iit iin pro2piit two be a con2tant remiinder whiile ii thra2h your glute2 next tiime we play mariio kart.
CG:
IF I CAN PRY IT OUT FROM ERIDAN'S FUCKING DEATHGRIP, THEN YES, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE RIGHTFUL FUCKING FATE THAT'S DESERVED.
TA:
yeah he keep2 tryiing two fuck my auralcanal wiith a 2teady 2tream of piing2. ii gue22 ii 2hould 2ee what he want2.
CG:
YEAH OH I FUCKING GUESS.
JEGUS.
ALSO, NO, EQUIUS DIED.
APPARENTLY
TA:
oh 2hiit.
well fuck.
CG:
AND IS NOW CURRENTLY ENJOYING EXISTENCE AS A HALF TROLL, HALF SPRITE ABOMINATION
COURTESY OF OUR FAVORITE SACK OF HAIR
SO SCORE ONE MORE FUCKING POINT FOR MAKARA FUCKING SHIT UP!!!!!!
TA:
oh my 2hiit.
okay that'2 2ort of funny but wow.
CG:
IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY IT'S
I MEAN I GUESS IT'S A LITTLE FUNNY.
BUT IT SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED
TA:
don't liie to your2elf iit'2 at lea2t half funny.
CG:
YOUR HIDEOUS FACE IS HALF FUNNY.
THIS IS ANOTHER RANK FAILURE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHICH IS RESTING CLEANLY IN MY YELLOW PAJAMA'D LAP
TA:
ehehehe yeah tz 2ay2 iit'2 pretty hiideou2 now.
ii can't waiit two gro22 ed out.
2omeone 2hould 2et up 2ome feed2 for iit for future viiewiifiicatiion plea2ure.
CG:
UH
WAIT ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC OR SHOULD I ACTUALLY APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING THAT OR
TA:
no ii'm pretty 2ure 2he wa2 2eriiou2 ehehehe. iit'2 goiing two be great.
CG:
OH SO IT'S JUST FINE, THEN, IT'S ALL HUNKY FUCKING DORY AND WE'LL ALL HOLD HANDS AND COMMUNE IN A DISGUSTING ORGY OF FINE FEELINGS AND ACCEPTANCE WHILE A MUTATED FEATHERBEAST STRUGGLES ON ITS PATH OVERHEAD AND CHOKES OUT A MERRY TUNE!
TA:
yep.
8|
ehehehehehe.
CG:
NO THAT'S STUPID!
TA:
wow okay yeah 2orry iit'2 the wor2t thiing ii've ever heard, 2omeone roll iin here wiith a corp2e2tone and a 2hovel 2o that we can bury our good friiend fun time2. here he liie2 and 2hiit, never two rii2e agaiin. boo fuckiing hoo.
CG:
REAL FUCKING CONVINCING, FUCKNUBS.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO
NOT DOING THAT THING YOU DO
ABOUT THIS!?!?
TA:
ii don't know, ii'm iin a good mood.
ii told you 2hiit'2 fiine, you two need two fuckiing troll up and clam your human tiit2 about thii2.
ed keep2 riidiing my bulge about how terriible 2hiit ii2 and won't 2hut hii2 flap about iit.
you 2hould pap that na2ty a22 2tat.
CG:
FIRSTLY, IT'S NOT FUCKING FINE
SECONDLY WHETHER I NOT PAPPING HIM ISN'T THE FUCKING POINT
BECAUSE AS WE RETURN TO POINT NUMBER ONE IT'S NOT FUCKING FINE
TA:
okay yeah iit 2uck2 you lo2t your backup liife.
and ii gue22 the eq thiing ii2 2hiitty even iif he'2 a fuckbag.
CG:
AND TEREZI'S HURT, SHITBAG
TA:
2he'll be okay when her liicker'2 healed. 2he'2 doiing better.
CG:
AND WASN'T THERE ONE MORE THING? HMMM WHAT THE FUCK WAS IT AGAIN, I CAN HARDLY REMEMBER SUCH A MINOR DETAIL IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF BULLSHIT
IS SHE?
TA:
uh
yeah better than 2he wa2 on lotam.
CG:
OKAY. GOOD. TELL HER I SAY HI, OKAY?
SANS FUCKING SASS
TA:
2he keep2 tryiing two get her miit2 over my 2hiitgrubbiing head2et.
yeah okay hold on.
kk 2ay2 hii.
fuck!
okay 2he 2ay2 hii back.
wiith a 2urprii2iinglyount of liickerwaviing.
CG:
YEAH WELL NO SHIT
TA:
2he can't u2e the head2et but you want me two tell her two come over or 2omethiing?
CG:
IF ANYBODY IS COMING OVER TO ANYWHERE IT'S GOING TO BE THE ONE FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO CAN TELL WHERE HE'S GOING
CG:
BUT I DON'T WANT TO BARGE IN, I GUESS.
TA:
yeah ii'll a2k.
uuhh iin a miinute.
CG:
YEAH
YEAH THAT'S FINE I DON'T THINK I'M GOING ANYWHERE RIGHT THIS FUCKING SECOND ANYWAY
TA:
where are you?
CG:
TAVROS' PLANET
TA:
0kay c00l.
waiit n0t c00l at all why the 2hiit are y0u iin that chumph0le?
CG:
OH YOU KNOW I THOUGH, WOW I HAVEN'T SEEN MY GOOD FUCKING BUDDY TAVROS IN A WHILE
MIGHT AS WELL STOP IN AND SEE HOW HE'S DOING
IT WAS THE NEXT FUCKING THING THROUGH THE GATES, DUMBSHIT
CG:
SINCE NOBODY WAS LEFT AT GAMZEE'S FUCKING HIVE
TA:
20 what, n0w y0u tw0 l02er2 are 2iitiing iin a metriic glutel0ad 0f 2and, 2l0wly turniing iit iint0 a beach a2 y0ur faceplate2 leak iin mutual unnece22ary 20rr0w?
CG:
AND ERIDAN WOULDN'T STOP FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT OVER MY WEEPY RED SACK OF BIOLOGICAL ACCIDENTS
TA:
wow okay fuck that quiirk.
CG:
YEAH
PRETTY FUCKING MUCH!
IT'S TRULY A ROMANTIC SCENE FOR THE AGES.
TA:
gro22.
well tell hiim two let iit go and briing iit over for our candleliit hate date 2o ii can have iit 2tuffed at the neare2t carapace taxadermy center for all your bff plu2hiifyiing need2.
CG:
FUCK THAT, IT'S ROTTING AWAY ON LOTAM
TA:
double gro22.
CG:
YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT. LET IT SIT THERE, A HORRIBLE TESTIMENT TO WHAT HAPPENS WHEN EVERYBODY FUCKING FORGETS WHAT TERRIBLE DAMN DECISIONS I MAKE.
TA:
kk iit wa2n't your fault.
everyone undere2tiimated hiim.
CG:
THE WHOLE FUCKING THING FROM BEGINNING TO END HAS BEEN A COMPLETE JOKE OF NEGLECT AND FORGETFULNESS, CULMINATING IN A COMPLETELY HAMFISTED AND IDIOTIC ATTEMPT AT BEING BADASSES WHICH BACKFIRED INTO SHEER UTTER FUCKING STUPIDITY
CG:
LET'S JUST TALK IT THE FUCK OUT LIKE MORONS! WOW, WHAT A GREAT STRATEGY. REAL IMPERIAL GRADE AWARD FOR THAT SHIT.
TA:
yeah well take iit up wiith the iimperiial court of whatever the fuck, that'2 how iinve2tiigatiion2 work ii gue22.
and yeah ii know, iit wa2 my own fault for 2tandiing around liike a bulgeweed.
CG:
I MEANT AFTER THAT PART BUT WHATEVER.
TA:
you 2howed up iin the ro2ter of noii2y dead fucknut2 and iit dii2tracted me.
CG:
OH.
WELL
SORRY, I GUESS
FUCK
TA:
waterever, beiing bliind ii2 great.
now ii know why tz alway2 cream2 her bulge over iit ehehehe.
CG:
JEGUS FUCK YOU TWO ARE EQUALLY TERRIBLE.
AND WEIRD.
TA:
probably. 8|
CG:
AND FURTHER TERRIBLE.
TA:
iit'2 2o QUIIET.
iit'2 great.
CG:
WHAT THE FUCK, HOW IS LOSING YOUR EYES AFFECTING YOUR FUCKING HEARING
DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD TOO? IS THIS THE PANDAMAGE EXPRESS?
TA:
ii don't know, but the 2hiit parade of dead a22hole2 got a lot quiieter.
CG:
THAT'S...WEIRD.
TA:
2o now ii can THIINK and pay attentiion and iit'2 pretty much the be2t 2hiitgrubbiing thiing two ever happen.
TA:
good job gz, you hiideou2 2ack of bulgewa2te.
yeah iit'2 weiird but who care2. ii thiink ii 2hould 2tart back wiith my doom 2hiit now two.
CG:
UH
YEAH.
OKAY.
TA:
are you okay two? other than all the fuckiing wiiggler grade faceplate leakiing and na2ty pap2.
CG:
IT'S FUCKING FINE; MY DREAM BODY WAS IN GREAT FUCKING SHAPE EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE IT FELT THE NEED TO TRY AND RECREATE MY PREVIOUSLY EMPTIED NUTRITIONAL SACK
BUT WHATEVER FUCK THAT IT'S FINE.
WHO GIVES A SHIT.
TA:
quadruple gro22.
CG:
YEAH IT WAS PRETTY FOUL, DEFINITELY WORTHY OF RANKING UP THERE WITH ALL THE OTHER PARTICULAR VULGARITIES OF THE FUCKING NIGHT
TA:
2omeone open a new memo 2o that we can lii2tiify thii2 trave2ty.
CG:
SHIT
FUCK
YEAH ACTUALLY WHAT THE I DOING WE SHOULD MAKE A MEMO
TA:
yeah gOOd call.
fuck that look2 2tupiid two!
CG:
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO DO
TA:
update my quiirk two reflect my new faceh0le 2tatu2.
CG:
WELL IT LOOKS LIKE WRIGGLERS FIRST KEYBOARD SMASHINGS SO STOP
TA:
what are you flappiing your maw about, iit look2 nothiing liike your quiirk ehehehe.
CG:
MY QUIRK IS A PARAGON OF READABILITY
AND CLEAR COMMUNICATION
TA:
your quiirk look2 liike 2omeone forgot where the cap2lock ii2.
CG:
WELL IT'S A GOOD FUCKING THING YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT IT, THEN, ISN'T IT
TA:
wow 2iick burn how diidn't ii 2ee that comiing?
oh riight.
II'M BLIIND!
CG:
AT LEAST NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR ANYMORE
ENDLESS NIGHTS OF BEING SPARED THAT AGONY AWAITY
TA:
yeah iit'2 a real treat, you ought two try iit before your face get2 any wor2e.
TA:
iin fact everyone here 2hould. iit'2 the new fad that'2 2weepiing the iicono2phere.
our 2e22iion can ju2t turn iinto a bumbliing epii2ode of 12 2tooge2.
CG:
YEAH WHAT A FANTASTIC IDEA, WE'LL ALL JUST WANDER AROUND SMASHING INTO EACH OTHER
IT'LL BE LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING NIGHT OF MY LIFE
FULL OF IDIOTS AND OBNOXIOUS ATTEMPTS AT HUMOROUS IRONY THAT ALL, FUNDEMENTALLY, SERVE TO REMIND ME OF MY OWN FAILURE AT CORRALING YOU SHITHEELS INTO SOMETHING USEFUL
LET'S GET ON THAT ASAP
NO TIME TO WASTE
TA:
already one 2iixth of the way there, beep beep tiime two move thii2 faiiltraiin out.
oh fuck ii can't do the 2iiren2 anymore.
well fuck.
CG:
BETTER PICK A NEW FUCKING TITLE THEN
TA:
okay you got me there, that'2 one 2hiitty thiing about thii2 fiia2co.
CG:
JEGUS.
TA:
okay can you ju2t.
do 2omethiing about ed?
he'2 fuckiing kiilliing my buzz here.
CG:
YEAH
I'LL MESSAGE YOU SAD COLLECTION OF ELBOWS LATER
TA:
yeah 2ound2 good.
tz want2 two 2iit down anyway.
TA:
ii'll piing you when 2he want2 two 2ay hii okay? or hook her up wiith one of my machiine2 that ii2n't 2trapped two my head liike a 2weet fa2hiion acce22ory.
CG:
YEAH OKAY.
< < SOME PERIOD OF TIME LATER! >>
TA:
hey tz'2 a2leap.
but 2he 2ay2 2he'll piing you tomorrow niiight.
you're goiing two have two talk two her over trollian though.
or paper ii gue22 iif you're iinto that.
FUCK diid ii fuckiing me22age the wrong 2hiitgrubbiing per2on agaiin? fuckiing 2hiit.
CG:
HEY
NO YOU GOT IT
GOOD FUCKING JOB
TA:
oh hey. okay good.
CG:
HOW MANY TIMES DID IT TAKE OR DID YOU GET IT ON THE SECOND TRY
TA:
wow ii don't even have two make a pun for that one ehehehe. ii'm ju2t goiing two lay back and let you do all the work for me.
CG:
WOW FUCK THAT. EXTEND A SINGLE SYMPATHETIC PUN IN YOUR DIRECTION AND YOU FLOP OVER TO BECOME A LAZY, USELESS ASSHOLE. PUN REVOKED. CONVERSATION REVOKED.
TA:
ii'm collectiing on iimperiial dii2iibiiliity now, iit'2 allowed.
at lea2t two pun2 a day have two be 2uppliimented.
CG:
BULLSHIT, GO GET THAT SHIT FROM TEREZI WHENEVER SHE WAKES UP. OR THAT HIDEOUS FUCK OF A BULLSHIT SUPPOSED HATCHCLONE.
TA:
oh 2hiit.
wow ii fuckiing forgot about hiim fuck.
CG:
YEAH WELL ALL THIS SHIT HAS BEEN ONE LONG SHITHIVES JOURNEY INTO
I DON'T KNOW
I FORGOT UNTIL I STARTED MAKING A LIST OF SHIT TO DO
CG:
RIGHT UNDER 'MAKE SURE THE HUMANS ACTUALLY CLOSED THEIR SESSION AND DIDN'T JUST SPEW OUT A BUNCH OF BIG TALK ABOUT IT' AND ABOVE 'DISPOSE OF PUTRIFIED MEATSACK'
'HATCHCLONES: WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT'. AN ACTION ITEM.
TA:
fuck that. ii have two kiick l2s iin the human diick untiil he let2 the new troll2 iin two.
then he can clo2e them.
unle22 they're on pro2piit two.
CG:
UNLESS YOU CAN GUARENFUCKINGTEE THAT GAMZEE WAS TOSSED IN THE EXACT DIRECTION OF AN OPEN AND AWAITING HORRORTERROR MAW, LETTING STRANGERS PARADE THEIR IDIOT ASSES ALL OVER THE SESSION IS A FUCKHORRIBLE IDEA
ON PAR WITH PRETTY MUCH EVERY OTHER IDEA I'VE HAD IN THE LAST THREE NIGHTS
TA:
ii have no iidea where ii to22ed hiim.
ii'm bliind remember.
TA:
0_0
okay that'2 fuckiing 2tupiid two jegu2 2hiit.
CG:
YEAH LET'S ALL HAVE A FUCKING CHUCKLE.
JEGUS.
TA:
ehehehe.
happy?
CG:
YEAH I GUESS
CLOSE ENOUGH
TA:
that'2 worth at lea2t four free pun2 accordiing two the new rule2.
CG:
YEAH HERE LET ME GENTLY SCRAWL OUT A COUPON FOR THOSE, TO BE REDEEMED AT ANY FUTURE POINT, WRITTEN IN THE SPITEFUL BILE OF MY DISGUST.
TA:
2weet, ii'll be 2ure two loviingly tuck them away iin my ocular2 for 2afe keepiing.
CG:
OH MY FUCK FUCK YOU
YOU ARE A DISGUSTING FUCK AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED.
I'M ASHAMED FOR YOU.
CG:
I'M ASHAMED FOR WHATEVER JADEBLOOD WAS OBVIOUSLY SOPORED AT THE MOMENT OF YOUR MIRACULOUS ESCAPE INTO THE TRIAL CAVERNS
I'M ASHAMED FOR YOUR ANCESTOR, WHOEVER HE WAS
TA:
be 2ure two 2ave 2ome of that for your2elf, fuck know2 you need iit.
probably 2ome diickweed.
CG:
YEAH NO SHIT
MY WELLS OF SHAME ARE DEEP AND UNSTOPPABLE, AN EVER-RENEWABLE RESOURCE WITH ENOUGH FOR ALL
LIKE SOME KIND OF BEAUTIFUL, IDYLLIC UTOPIA
SAD TRAVELERS AND POOR NOMADS ALL STOP
TO REFILL THEIR SHAME SUPPLIES
AND YET THE SUPPLY REMAINS.
CG:
SO DON'T GRIND DOWN WHATEVER'S LEFT OF YOUR TEETH WORRYING ABOUT HOW ASHAMED I AM FOR MYSELF, FUCKSTICK.
TA:
don't knot your bulge over that, my teeth are 2tiill a 2hiiniing example of ma2terful gleamiing bull2hiit compared two your mouth of 2ad fiiguratiive a22hole2.
even iif that fuck2hiit diid knock one out.
CG:
SPOILER: GRUBBY AND COATED IN ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR POWDER DOESN'T ACTUALLY CONSTITUTE "GLEAMING" BY ANY STANDARD
TA:
a grubriito a day keep2 the drone2 away ehehehe.
CG:
UNTIL YOUR FANGS ROT THROUGH AND FALL OUT
TA:
but hey ii've got iit on good authoriity that they're 2parkly a2 a god tiier'2 extra appendage2 now.
tz made me clean them.
CG:
JEGUS FUCK
WOW
...WOW
TA:
waterever. fuck you.
ii mean whatever.
fuck.
CG:
WELL
OKAY THAT'S GOOD THOUGH
RIGHT
TA:
ii2 my audiio tran2lator 2hiitiing the coon or am ii mii22iing 2ome bonu2 liine2 of iimpo22iible two under2tand kk driibbliing2?
CG:
YOUR AUDIO TRANSLATOR IS COMPLETE GARBAGE LIKE EVERYTHING YOU CODE BUT WHAT I FUCKING *MEANT* WAS THAT'S A PRETTY BLATANT FUCKING BIT OF MANAGING YOUR INTOLERABLE SHIT
TA:
ehehehe yeah thii2 thiing'2 a piiece a hoofbea2t2hiit.
and yeah ii gue22.
CG:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GUESS
IT FUCKING IS
CG:
SO WAS IT IN AN OFFICIAL CAPACITY OR....?
TA:
yeah.
ii mean we 2ort of had two 2top tapdanciing around the 2hiitgrubbiing paiiliing2ea2onfertiiliitypole around iit.
for thii2 level of ma22iive bull2hiit.
CG:
YEAH NOTHING LIKE EVERYBODY NEARLY GETTING MURDERED BY A HYPERACTIVE PSYCHOPATHIC EX-SOPOR ADDICT CLOWN TO REALLY
CEMENT THOSE DIAMOND SETTINGS
FUCK
TA:
even though ii diid a royally retarded job of tapiing her liicker up. iit wa2 2hiitgrubbiing 2hameful.
wow iit'2 2o romantiic when you put iit that way.
2omeone contact a 2mall priintiing pre22 2o that we can get your fiir2t novel off the ground.
CG:
FUCK YOU I'M A MASTER OF ROMANCE AND THAT IS A COMPLETE AND TRUTHFUL SUMMATION OF THE LEVEL OF ROMANCE INVOLVED
CG:
BUT WHATEVER. AT LEAST SOMETHING GOOD CAME OUT OF THIS FUCKERY.
TA:
you're a ma2ter of fiiguratiive bulge con2umiing a2 the re2ult of mii2erable ta2te iin fiictiion and other a22orted hobbiie2.
CG:
YOU WISH YOUR TASTED WAS A FRACTION AS REFINED AS MY OWN. IN FACT, I'M NOT EVEN BOTHERED BY THAT ACCUSATION, TOO OVERCOME WITH A SUDDEN AND COMPLETELY NONROMANTIC PITY FOR THE VACUOUS WASTEHOLE OF FILTH AND WRIGGLERSHIT YOU CALL TASTE.
TA:
protiip: anyone who rank2 troll tiitaniic over troll tron automatiically lo2e2 the riight two u2e biig po2tmolt word2 liike refiine and al2o fractiion. bzzz 2orry, try agaiin next 2weep.
CG:
YOUR FILMS ARE SAD TRASH AND SO ARE YOU
TA:
2ad tra2h wiith a 2weet new quadrant.
*_*
CG:
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE
TA:
a piiece of fuckiing 2hiit ii gue22.
thii2 ii2 hard.
ii don't remember the controll2 for the 2hiita22 character map.
CG:
JUST WEAR YOUR FUCKING GLASSES AND CONTINUE THE BULLSHIT THING YOU DID BEFORE
TA:
ii'm borrowiing tz'2. ii gue22 they're darker and al2o ii'm a daymarefueliing mon2trociity ehehe.
2o ii'm goiing two take them off next tiime ed 2wiing2 over.
CG:
YEAH WELL IT'S NOT LIKE HE HASN'T SEEN A GAPING EYESOCKET BEFORE SO GOOD LUCK WITH THAT JOURNEY INTO MUTUALLY PUKING EVERYWHERE
TA:
yeah but thii2 kiind of 2hiit pii22e2 hiim off.
TA:
fuckiing ye2 found iit.
?_?
CG:
HOLY FUCK
TA:
?_?
CG:
THAT IS LITERALLY THE MOST UPSETTING SHIT
WOW.
TA:
¦_ ¦
oh my 2hiit that one.
CG:
THANKS FOR THAT, CAPTOR, I DIDN'T REALIZE THE KEYBOARD COULD EVEN MAKE THOSE SYMBOLS
BUT OKAY
TA:
ju2t one more perk of beiing ape2hiit banana2 at thii2 collectiive bull2hiit ehehe.
CG:
HUZZAH FOR YOU, DO YOU WANT A FUCKING MEDAL?
TA:
look thii2 one'2 for kanaya.
?
two medal2 plea2e.
CG:
OH YEAH YOU COULD LODGE THEM IN THE EMPTY SOCKETS AND FRIGHTEN TINY GRUBS AND TAVROS
TA:
ii'll ju2t liie two everyone and 2ay they're my new golden robot eye2.
problem 2olved.
CG:
THAT'S RETARDED, JUST GO GET REAL ROBOT EYES, YOU RANK ASSTARD.
TA:
yeah from who?
eq'2 a hiideou2 2priite.
CG:
UGH. SHIT.
TA:
ii don't really care.
thii2 ii2 niice.
TA:
plu2 iit'2 not liike ii have two 2ee two type, ii haven't made one typo thii2 whole conver2atiion plu2 ii iinvented my 2weet new emote.
now 2hower me wiith metal2, fuck2tiick.
CG:
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m62u466B5D1r8zu6q.png
TA:
okay great job.
now what'2 iit 2ay?
CG:
GODDAMMIT
IT SAYS SOLLUX IS AN INTOLERABLE FUCKWIT
TA:
great job. you and a concu22ed bee are up for con2iideratiion for the 2a22iie2t joke award. iit'2 a dii2tiinguii2hed honor.
CG:
YEAH MAYBE YOU'LL QUALIFY FOR THE PRELIMINARIES NEXT SWEEP
I BELIEVE IN YOU, MAN, IT'S POSSIBLE IF YOU JUST KEEP DREAMING.
TA:
2orry previiou2 wiinner2 are dii2qualiifiied from future nomiinatiion2.
2hiit hang on.
tz'2 awake.
CG:
ARE YOU HANGING OUT AT THE BASE OF HER COON OR SOMETHING
TA:
nevermiind, fal2e alarm.
no 2he'2 iin the piile.
CG:
AND YOU FUCKING LEFT HER THERE?
TA:
jegu2 2hiit, clam your nonexii2tantrumble2phere2, ii'm iin iit two.
CG:
OH MY SHIT
TA:
what.
CG:
YOU BETTER FUCKING HOPE SHE DOESN'T WAKE UP, YOU TERRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A FLESHBAG
CG:
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY HAVING A STUPID ARGUMENT ABOUT EMOTICONS WITH ME WHILE YOU'RE STILL IN THE FUCKING PILE WITH YOUR NEWLY RAILED DIAMOND WHO ALSO BY THE WAY IS MY QUADRANT TOO WHICH MAKES THE LACK OF CONSIDERATION EXTRA STUPID
TA:
ii'm beiing con2iiderate you nookdriibbliing waffle.
that'2 why ii'm on the keyboard iin2tead of the miic.
CG:
OH!
WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE!~
A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF THOUGHTFULNESS FROM SOLLUX CAPTOR, MASTER OF GENTILITY
PLEASE, SIR, TEACH US ALL YOUR WAYS
TA:
you'll need two 2iign up for my iintro 2emiinar, my 2choolfeediing cla22 ii2 almo2t full.
CG:
OH YEAH RIGHT FUCKING AWAY, HOW MANY CAEGARS? I CAN'T LET THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN NEW LOWS OF FUCKING UP PASS BY
TA:
joiin me my young padawan. the 2ecret2 of true quadrant romance can be your2. guaranteed two thou2and tiime2 better than the rank bull2hiit iin that garbage crammed up on your 2ylladex'2 2torage 2helf.
?_?
CG:
YEAH PLEASE FORWARD THE INTRODUCTORY PORTION IMMEDIATELY SO I CAN CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY OWN INDIGNATION AT WHAT A SAD JOKE IT IS
TA:
the download'2 only avaiilable iin beenary.
gue22 you'll have two bru2h up on your programmiing 2kiillz before you become a true quadrant ma2ter.
CG:
WOW YEAH IT'S NOT AS THOUGH THOSE THINGS ARE COMPLETE POLAR OPPOSITES OR SOMETHING
ON ONE END OF THE SCALE, YOU HAVE A WELL ADJUSTED TROLL WITH FULL SQUARES, LIVING AN AVERAGE LIFE OF ROMANCE AND BEING A RESPECTED MEMBER OF SOCIETY
AND ON THE OTHER, THERE SITS PROGRAMMING MASTER, SOLLUX CAPTOR, ONE HAND TYPING AWAY AND THE OTHER WRAPPED AROUND HIS BULGE
CG:
A SLIDING SCALE THAT CAN END ON ONLY ONE POINT, NEVER THE TWO TO OVERLAP
TA:
you mean hu2kpalm.
ehehehehe.
CG:
OH YEAH FORGIVE MY TERRIBLE BREACH IN DETAIL ACCURACY
TA:
and 2tick out your tongue 2o that 2omeone can gently depo2iit an appetiizer 2iized bulge onto iit before your maiin cour2e of human diick2, ii'm the one 2iitiing iin my 2weet piile riight now.
CG:
YEAH WELL GO FUCK YOURSELF ON WHATEVER SERIES OF POINTY OBJECTS UNDOUBTEDLY WERE USED IN ITS CONSTRUCTION; NOT EVERYONE HERE IS A DECORUM LACKING PUKESACK WITH THE SOCIAL SKILLS OF A PARTICULARLY VIRULENT SWAMPY RASH
TA:
yeah true, ed ii2n't iin the room ehehe.
al2o re: ed.
ha2 he 2topped doiing whatever the 2hiit he wa2 doiing earliier?
CG:
WHAT SHIT
TA:
beiing a hy2teriical tool.
CG:
KIND OF
WAS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED HIM TO STOP ON TROLLIAN? FUCKING SHIT.
TA:
yeah.
CG:
YEAH, THE LEVEL OF OVERDRAMATIC DOUCHEFUCKERY HAS BEEN LOWERED WITHIN NONTOXIC LEVELS
TA:
yeah iit wa2 reachiing fuckiing criitiical ma22 and liiftiing off two orbiit.
and then he fuckiing 2wan dove off the chat iin a huff about you and god tiier ii gue22. jegu2 fuck.
CG:
JEGUS.
YEAH THAT'S A COMPLETELY FUCKING APPROPRIATE AVENUE TO AIR THAT SERIES OF WEEPING COMPLAINTS
TA:
wow 2omeone need2 two repriint that 2hiitty unreadable medal 2o that ii can relabel iit wiith a 2hiiny new captaiin obviiou2 award.
ii mean ii gue22 ii get iit iif he'2 pii22ed about gz fuckiing up hii2 piitch 2hiit.
TA:
but what the fuck.
CG:
THE WHOLE NIGHT WAS JUST
STUPID.
TA:
god tiier 2hiit ii2 not my bu2iine22.
yeah.
CG:
FUCKING GOD TIER.
WHO GIVES A SHIT ANYWAY. BIG FUCKING DEAL; IT'S NOT LIKE MY POWERS ARE REMOTELY FUCKING HELPFUL WHEN THEY'RE ACTUALLY NEEDED, SO CHASING DOWN A BRIGHT FLASHY UPGRADE IS SO FAR DOWN THE PATHWAY TO NOBODY-GIVES-A-FUCK-VILLE YOU MIGHT AS WELL TAKE A PERIGEE'S WORTH OF CLOTHES WITH YOU
(WHICH IS A LOT, FOR NORMAL PEOPLE)
CG:
(JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD CLARIFY IN CASE YOU MISSED THE CONTEXT THERE)
TA:
fa2hiion ii2 for chump2.
not iincludiing kn.
CG:
IT'S NOT EVEN FUCKING FASHION IT'S CALLED CLEANLINESS, ASSMUNCH, IT HELPS WITH THAT ISSUE WHERE EVERYONE THINKS YOU REEK
TA:
yeah well tz made me piitch my 2hiirt two.
2o tiime for you two throw a party.
TA:
2omeone 2trongarm the human2 iinto briingiing more pa2tryde2ert2.
CG:
YEAH I'LL PUT IN THAT REQUEST WITH THEM RIGHT AWAY
A THOUSAND BISCUIT COOKIES
JUST FOR THE GLORIOUS CORPSEPARTY WE'RE THROWING FOR YOUR SHIRT
TA:
yep.
goodbye, na2ty goo2taiined tra2h.
you liived a good liife.
ii'll wriite that on iit2 corp2e2tone.
and 2priinkle a goodbye du2tiing of grubriito2 over iit.
CG:
TRULY ITS THE NOBLE END IT DESERVED.
TA:
hey 2o ed'2 annoyiing hoofbea2t2hiit a2iide, 2orry about your 2pare and the gt 2hiit.
that 2hiit 2uck2.
CG:
YEAH, WELL, IT'S PRETTY MUCH MY OWN FAULT FOR. WOW, EVERY SINGLE DECISION AND CALL I MADE OVER THIS BULLSHIT SINCE DAY ONE? SO BRING ON THE JUSTLY DESERVED RESULTS OF SUCH EMBARRASSING STUPIDITY IT WOULD HAVE SERVED ME RIGHT TO NOT HAVE GOTTEN A REVIVAL KISS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
TA:
wow yeah becau2e me or tz would've ever let that happen.
even iif you are a foul 2melliing noob2taiin.
CG:
THANK FUCK FOR YOUR MUTUAL BAD TASTE, THEN
TA:
ehehehehe 2hiit yeah.
CG:
WHO SHOULD I BE SENDING THE SYMPATHY PLANT COLLECTION TO, ANYWAY?
"SORRY FOR A PUKE INDUCING LIPLOCK"
TA:
tz.
TA:
2he 2aved everyone from a hiideou2ly embarra22iing 2equence of event2 that can't be repeated on iimperiial 2choolfeediing.
iin whiich 2ollux captor triie2 two reviive hii2 dead friiend viia 2moochiing but can't fiind the body.
a play iin two part2.
CG:
TOO FUCKING BAD, THAT'S AN AWARD WINNING COMEDY IF I'VE EVER HEARD OF ONE
INSTANT FAME AND FORTUNE, LOST FOREVER
TA:
yeah iit'2 riight up there wiith do 2priite2 excrete gho2t2weat the new 2ma2h hiit 2iitcom.
CG:
YEAH IT'S THE WHOLE NEW PERIGEE'S LINE UP
THROW IN SOMETHING WITH SOME DEAD ALIENS AND WE'VE GOT A HIT CHANNEL
DO SPRITES HAVE TROLLIAN?
TA:
ii don't know, ii haven't triied before.
maybe?
CG:
YEAH I GUESS I'LL FUCKING SEE!
TA:
oh fuck.
tz'2 awake.
bbl
CG:
YEAH ALRIGHT
TA:
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