VANTAS VS VANTAS: THE VANTASSING

[twinarmagedons]

"20 minutes till the fight, get your tickets and get your grub!" Meenah shouted into a megaphone as the prospitans congregated on the seats she had set up. She was sitting at a stand, the smell of seafood wafting from it, and keeping a close look on the boonbox of money.

"Who the fuck says there's going to be tickets? This is a beatdown not a idiotic fancypants highblood jamboree," Karkat frowned at the whole stand affair, not sure whether to be affronted.

"Hey paycheck!" Latula slid into view, resting her hands on the top of the ticket counter. "Two for money and two for the show~ Make it front row seats and extra crispy on the chum."

"I brought the seats so I get to charge if they wanna park there" She gestured to the top of the bleachers she had set up, where a few pillows are set up "triple for the deluxe"

"Aww mannn! You can't just go double down for the rad chick and the camera man?" She whined before dragging Mituna up beside her, showing off his camera bag.

"Pay up, pyrope" Meenah held out one hand and held fried fish on a stick in the other.

A prospitian man wandered up and deposited several boondollars for a premium seat, looking excited in a carapacian way

Meenah tossed a ticket at him.

"We also sell a variety of baked goods, got enough batter to feed the whole moon" she waved the smell towards the stands

"Hey, make it four for the money! I've got a special guest!" Sollux trailed off into a spectacular spit parade of lispy sniggering, one arm hooked around the waist of what appeared to be Equius. "Got any grubritos?"
He paused, turning around and trying, with as little success as possible, to drag the coprse's body across the stands.

"The fuck did you bring that for?!" Karkat yelled, rolling his eyes. "This is a no-dead-assholes zone, fuckstick."

"Sea-money I've got your boondollars right her- oh LOOK MT! It's Captor the Sequel! The Captoring!" Latula cheered, pointing him out to her beau.

"Grub-what? No we got baked goods and fish food. Try the sugar cookies, they delish no lie." She speedily took his money for the seats, as well as latulas.

"Ehehehehe right, it's so fucking sweet, can not even." Mituna waved over also.

Somethign sollux like landed, or more appropriately crashed near the stands.

"Because that's the deal, you quacktoed Nerfherder. He chills in my nasty trash corpse for an hour, then he gets his nastier, trashier corpse." Craning his head around, Sollux blinked and scowled at the unpleasant sensation of seeing and also /sun/ until he spotted Mituna. "Holy fucking shit!"

Sollux promptly dropped Equius's corpse on its head and rocketted over, psionics nearly scorching the top of any nearby spectators' heads. "Hey, whoa, someone reign in the awesome before we get the cops called on our glutes! Is this TZ two too? FUCK, where's TZ one? We're missing out on double trouble here!"

"The logistics of using telikinesis is..perhaps a tad trickier than I anticipated." He tried to stand shakily, untangling some of the wires coming from the back of his head that had becoming mussed up in his landing.
He also patted down his impeccably combed hair.

"Oh fuck yeah oh my shit why the fuck isn't Pyrope extra here, man, you fucked up this one, for serious," Mituna just shook his head, "Wriggler I am disappoint, could have been hella."
Karkat meanwhile was just staring, vaguely horrified, at the Equius-Sollux-Monstrosity

"FUCK! Yeah. I fucked up. I fucked up bad, someone alert the papers: Sollux Captor is a royal shitstain. Business as usual, fuck!!"

"...Wow, okay, correction: I fucked up slightly less than usual. Check it out." Sollux grabbed a fistful of Mituna's weirdly poofy hair and angled him toward the Equius-Sollux monstrocity acting highly put out with itself on the other side of the stands.

Equius started making his way to the actual Captors, fiddling with the last of the helmsmen gear and swiping prospitan dirt off of his blue outfit.

"The shit don't pull my hair, the hell-- OMFG." Swatting Sollux's hand away, Mituna straightened up and looked way too delighted. "How the shit you get that working, what the fuck, wtfffff that's awesomeeeeee"

Latula was going to say something extremely tubular, but immediately folllowed Mituna's line of vision towards the disturbing looking captor approaching them. "Oh my FUCK! What IS that?" She nearly screached, approaching it cautiously before poking its horn.

"Except he's all dressed wrong YO CAPTOR DOUBLE-DOUBLE YOU FUCKED UP THE SYMMETRY WHAT THE HELL"

"Mister Captor, how long must I-' He choked and flushed when his horn got touched
"I was not told there was a dress code" he said petulantly

"Ehehehehe, yeah, it's not AI. I got EQ's ghostglutes to hang out in my old body so we could have a double-standoff of epic-" Sollux paused abruptly, screwing up his face at Equius's outfit. "There's always a dress code. It's called not being a stuffy shitstain."

"Wicked cool, Solo-Cup!" Latula cheered, giggling a little before elbowing mituna's side. "Next time you have to set the webcam up for a /three/ way video chat, heheheheheh."

"I don't own any clothing sized this small" Equius defended his decision "I had to alchamize what I could from my own"

If Karkat rolled his eyes any harder they were probably going to stick. "Wow, how about we just haul out every single mustardblooded body possible and just stack you fuckers up in a line, surrounded on either side with mirrors, and then there'll be infinitiely doubled exponential Captors to your everlasting nooksquirts. Jegus fuck." Shaking his head, he turned to Meenah as the only sane person left on Prospit.

"Just so you know dead bodies gotta pay the same as live ones for a seat"

Mituna just turned and frowned at Latula, mouth flattening out. "Uncool, Tula, three is for dipshits and noobs."

Latula shrugged, pointing out the three of them and laughing to herself a little. "Figure it out then!"

"I could make a cyborg of the secondary captors body, when he eventually dies." Equius offered helpfully

"Holy shit, yes. Double yes! Do it," Sollux grinned, elbowing Mituna once, and then a second time for good measure.

"Now that I have the helmsmen gear codes it should be quite simple"

"Yep, we got it, there we go. Holding you do that, dude, get ready cuz it's happening." Sticking his tongue between his teeth Mituna grinned widely

Latuna kept up her giggling before hugging Mituna's side leaning in to kiss his cheek.
Her leg kicking up in the process.

"I will of course require some sort of payment, but that can be discussed when and if you expire" Equius tried to sit on the bleachers and was both elated and disapointed when he didn't break them.

Perched in the upper row of bleachers, feet kicked back against the row in front of her, Vriska shoved herself upright before kicking her rocket boots into life and leaping down into the middle of the action. "Woooooooow, Equius! Look at you! Man, for someone who can't stop kissing his own ass about being the highest blood around, you sure look good parading around as a weirdo freak!"

Mituna just slid an arm around her waist, returning it before looking back at Equius. "Payment like what?"

Equius froze up, throat making some bizzare gutteral noises before managing to speak "This isn't what it looks like."

Making sure to get a long, hard laugh in, Vriska reached back to toss her hair out of her face before glancing around. "Reeeeeeeeally???????? Because that's exactly what it looks like to me!"

"WOAH! Check out the Serket Sister!" Latula called out, pointing excitedly at Vriska as though she'd seen a Imperial Jet fly overhead.

"I am merely going along with a lowbloods ideas in order to gain something of my own in return. We are, as you might say, in cahoots."

"Enough with shitty fucking cahoots, jegus fuck, how any of you take yourselves seriously when using a word that grubdamned stupid I will forever be in wonder," Karkat shook his head before looking up at Vriska. "Serket, who the hell spilled the beans about this shit? I didn't realize it was going to be a big public fucking display for all the available assholes."

Cronus, who had been smoking the wrong end of a cigarette in the back row of the bleachers, watched in intrigue as Vriska landed only a few feet away from him. He was stunned by her beauty, and couldn't help but go in for the kill. "Hey there, spider-babe. Swveet kicks you got goin on there."

Stan ported in and smacked money down on Meenahs table before sitting down. "What's the ETA on both of them getting beat up?"

"Pssssssssh, this is so not even cahoots! It's not even half cahoots! This is some lame lowblood plan to make you embarrass yourself in front of everyone and guess what! It's totally working! Man, next time you want to make a deal with someone that doesn't end in horrible embarrassment, you should really go to me," Vriska shot back, a grin still stretched across her face until she caught sight of Latula up in the stands. "Uh. Hey!"

Karkat bristled "WHO THE FUCK INVITED THE ALIENS?!!?!?!"

Whipping her head away from Latula, Vriska rolled her eyes at Karkat. "Wow, Karkat, what do you take me for, a gossip???????? You know, I was willing to forgive you for not inviting your close and personal teammates but now I don't know! I'm going to have to think about it!"

"NO GODDAMN ALIENS AT MY FUCKING FIGHT, YOU SHITHEELS HAD ONE DAMN JOB AND IT WAS TO KEEP OUT THE RIFFRAFF, WOW, GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT, I AM SO IMPRESSED WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU STAN GO FUCK YOURSELF AND LEAVE, PREFERABLY IN THE OPPOSITE ORDER."

"If I recall our last agreement ended in quite the emberessment when you got dropped onto the inferior team, replaced by the lowest of lowbloods, and ended up slapping yourself" Equius bristled at Vriska. It wasn't very effective because he couldn't get the right scowl he normally had.

"There was an announcement in the dersite news," Gregory quipped, sauntering down the bleachers with a seafood-stick item clutched in one hand and a beer in the other.

"There was? I just got the flyers" Stan held up a piece of paper announcing the date and time of the fight, as well as the entry fee.

Vriska bristled right back, scowling at Equius over the top of her glasses. "That was soooooooo not even my fault!!!!!!!! I was the one who came up with the plan and you chumps double crossed me!!!!!!!!"

"Wow, hey, look at the time!! It's just about time for shut the fuck up o'clock and check out my sweet fucking double instead of shit the place up with a fresh chute trail of highblood bullshit!" Sollux forcibly jammed himself between them, pulling the Equius-Sollux freak of nature over to him and Mituna.

"So is this a no-kciking-bulge kind of match? Because if so Karkats screwed."

Realizing he had been completely ignored, Cronus sighed exaserbatedly and sat back down on the bleachers, fiddling with his little 'Kankri' flag.

Equius tried to pull back from his sudden pulling, only to be surprised when he was not actually strong enough to.

Mituna just grinned at both Solluxes, snaggly teeth on full display. "Man like should I go get Dersite Edition and he can be End of Perigree Period at A Possibly Dead Troll Named Bernie's Hive style?"

"Only if you can afford the extra seat!" Meenah yelled, handing out cakes to prospitans like they were hotcakes.
"Would dressing it up in red to contrast my blue keep our teams Captor from complaining about my attire?" Equius asked curiously.

"Oh my fuck. Yes. DOUBLE YES. Plan approved."

"No freebies for Employees? Harsh, Peixes, super harsh," Mituna just waved his camera gear at Meenah like that excused everything

"Yeah! We already bought your grub!" Latula showed off her fish stick.

"Cut this rad-gal some slack, Moneybags!"

"Hey, every seat you park a corpse in is one I can't sell to a paying customer. Can't you just stand it up leanin on the bleachers if you're too cheap?"

"Oh yeah let's just drag in everybody's fucking unused and or dead dream selves and have a whole fucking party full of unconcious doubles, what a fantastic plan for Sollux to get off in the absolute minimal time possible." Karkat scowled.

Floating through the entranceway, Kankri crossed his arms and frowned up at the makeshift bleachers, craning his head around in confusion. Spotting Meenah, he quickly changed directions and beelined over to her, stopping a few feet away and clearing his throat. "My apologies Meenah, but I believe you may have misunderstood when I requested a proper environment for the lecture that you arranged. This is, of course, something I take full responsibility for as I seem to have overlooked conveying my requests in a more understandable manner."
"Yes, plan also approved!" Sollux sniggered before turning to Mituna for a high five.

Mituna delivered the high-five with Latula-level enthusiasm. "HELLZ to the yes omg. Ok. Ok I am serious I'm gonna go get it and YES fucking dress that shit up in red. It'll be awesome. Holy shit."

"Yeah yeah, hey kankri you want some iron knuckles or somefin? I need some way to get these cumps to bet on you"

Kankri blinked once, head cocked to the side as he tried to chew through Meenah's word. "Meenah, this is a lecture, not a wiggler sporting event."

"Don't be too long, Tunes. Let's catch as much as we can on video so we can nark on Mc. Yaps-alot for sweeps!" Latula pat Mituna's back offering to take the camera from him. "Or I can film while you grab your twin!:

"Yep, hang onto this shit for me, hold down the fortress for a while I'll be back," Mituna lit up blue-red and hopped up, handing Latula the camera bag and rocketing off towards the nearest Prospit-Derse transportalizer.

"Eehehehehe, this is gonna be great." Sollux yanked Equius down beside him, reaching up to ruffle his hair a little before turning toward the center ring. "Plus we get some action now, thank fuck. Kick his glutes, KK!"

"Kankri! I'm routin for you, chief!" Cronus shouted from the bleachers before nodding to Latula. "They all think you're goin to flop, but I knovw you got a secret wveapon somewvhere!" He nudged Vriska who was only an arm's length away, his expression faltering. "He ain't got a icecube's chance in shell."

"Vantas you're gonna get your bass handed to you if you don't pick somefin that'll give you an edge"

Equius let himself get pulled along, trying to pat down his hair after the ruffling "Do you know how long it took to get it acceptable?"

Flapping a hand in Sollux's direction, Karkat straightened up to yell in Kankri's general direction. "HEY SHITGRUBBER, I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO CHOKE DOWN EVERY IDIOTIC WORD YOU'VE EVER SPEWED OUT INTO THE WORLD, AND ALSO MY FIST."

"Oh goodness the mutants are going to fight" he clammed up, eyes very intent on the match.

"...What?" Kankri took a startled step back before shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest again. "Meenah, I really must point out that you are acting in an excessively wigglerish manner. I am well aware that it is the 'hip new thing' to be purposefully obtuse, but this is taking things to an excessive, and obviously, unappreciated level. Perhaps you can find it within you to, just this once, impart something vaguely resembling a helpful tidbit of information."

"You gonna fight for money" She said as if it would explain everything, and threw him a spear and a net.

Kankri paused for breath and abruptly spun around on his heel, nearly knocking into Meenah. "What?" he repeated, eyes widening at Karkat.

Eridan, who had spent the last few hours fretting over what the hell he was going to wear to this thing, finally strolled in wearing a seal-hide lined cape and a re-alchemized officer trainee uniform from his wardrobe. He spotted the concession stand, but paid it no mind. Eridan was a seadweller and this little function should be /honored/ by his presense. He didn't have to pay for shit. "Wwheres the VIP section?"

"Got the fancy box up at the top and the fancy box in the front now" Meenah pointed to both of them "They're 3x extra"

Karkat equipped his sickles with a popping noise. "You're a loudmouth piece of shit and I get a free fucking shot on grounds of you blowing my hemoanonymitity and also the fact you're a rank boil on the ass of my patience."

"Oh jeeeeeeeeze, look who decided to show up," Vriska groaned, rolling her eyes and jamming her chin into one hand. With her free arm she reached up and "accidently" clocked Cronus in the jaw.
"....WHAT?" Kankri took another step backward, voice pitching upward in distress this time.

"Three wwhat extra?" Eridan asked honestly, hearing Vriska peep out over the bleachers and flagging his fins down. "Three times the vvantage point? Good. Make shore its awway from the likes a her." He pointed upwards with one sharp finger.

Meanwhile, Sollux shot up to his feet, still dragging Equius along with him. "Hey, ED!! Look who I brought!" He shouted across the stands before grinning and pointing with both fingers at his double's head. "Hint: it's me!"

Vriska held out a hand to stop Eridan "You want to watch the match you gotta pay the scratch."

"You heard me, fuckstick, or is listening not a skill you practice along with talking!?" His own voice pitching, Karkat just pointed a sickle at Kankri.

"Hrk" Equius was not accustomed to being able to be pulled around that easily.


Cronus didn't even notice his royal-look alike and instead rubbed his head in with a pout, unsure of whether that was an advance or not. Hoping for the best, he smiled and nodded in Vriska's direction.

"Karkat, I have no idea what - or who - /this is supposed to be a lecture/!" Kankri blurted, balling up both fists as he stared cross-eyed at Karkat's sickle.

"Havve HER pay for it then! She owwes me a life's wworth a-" Eridan cut himself off when he heard Sollux's voice now calling from the stands. At first he tried to remain composed, not giving him the time of day as he focused on Meenah instead. Yet when he heard the "it's me" bit, he put two and two together and flung his head back to gawk in his direction.

His jaw would have hit the floor if it wasn't attached to his beautifully sculpted head.

"Oh my shit, spoiler: it's not!!! Now fucking pull out some weapons so this embarrassing beat down can proceed and I can get the fuck on with my night, and you can maybe take away some actual goddamn lessons." Karkat just waved the sickle again, like it would eventually force Kankri to get with the program

"Look what's the pointa coming to a hodown like this if not to show off how rich you are to the lowbloods by showin how easy it is for you to pony up the cash they can't?"
"Hey slightly more annoying karkat dude, watch out for when he tries to kick you in the bulge!"

"HIS NAME ISN'T KARKAT," Karkat screeched at Stan, flipping him a few rude hand gestures for good measure

Eridan stuck a hand in her face, eyes now locked on the captor twins as if he was beholding some rare and exotic animal. Approaching them with slow, deliberate steps, he scowled at Sollux with a sneer that screamed jealousy and betrayal. "Wwhen in the FUCK did you fuckin get that thing delivvered?"


"It's close enough" stan shrugged

"....Well... I. I understand your frustrations of course, particularly as hearing things that fall outside of one's comfort zone can be a strenuous and unwelcome activity. However-" Kankri faultered again before clearing his throat, exhaling slowly before stretching up to his full height. Reaching just an inch or two about Karkat, he angled his eyes downward. "Given your clear and obvious distress, I feel as though you are certainly taking these lessons and that information to heart. Which I do, of course, appreciate."

Equius was about to relay some factual information, before remembering the terms of his agreement with sollux, and pointedly looked away from Eridan and said nothing to him.

Meenah just scowled and stole his wallet.

"It is /not/ close enough, and I really must agree - purposefully misconstruing one's identity despite repeated requests is highly problematic, not to mention simply fucking rude." Kankri turned and shot Stan a matching scowl.

"Holy shit you two even make the same angry asshole expression" Stan pointed from one angry vantas to another

Sollux grinned up at Eridan, lounging backward with one hand still on Equius's arm. "Couple minutes ago. You missed it. It was great."

Kankri immediately wiped the look off his face in favor of a placid stare. "That is, of course, irrelevant to the point. If you require that I rephrase the point in a more understandable manner, I am, obviously glad to do so."
"Perhaps smaller words will do?"

Realizing Kankri was taller than him was the last fucking straw, and Karkat sucked in a massive, angry breath, visibly puffing up and tightening his grip on his weapons. "I'M GOING TO INTRODUCE STRENUOUS, UNWELCOME TRAUMA TO YOUR ASS, YOU NASTYFLAPPED ARROGANT CULLBAIT WRIGGLER."

"This is going to be great" Stan said, snacking down on the cheapest of the cupcakes from the stand. "Hey karkat 2, he freaks out looking at his blood, use that to your advantage!"

With his feet steady and under him this time, Kankri simply tilted his head downward, face only flinching slightly. "Karkat, language please, particularly considering that we have an audience who may or may not be accustomed to this sort of behavior. Is there something you wish to discuss with me?"

Equius wasn't sure if he was supposed to pull his arm from sollux or if this was some sort of weird lowblood way of affirming friendship.

Sighing in relief, Eridan put a hand on his chest and glared at the two of them. "Oh good, so not long enough to- nevvermind." He shook his head, wanting to sit down on the opposite side but still not able to take his eyes off them. "Havve you tested it-"

Karkat's yelling distracted him only for a moment, forcing him to direct his attention back to the fight to watch as his ashmate puffed up. Eridan knew then that the fight was seconds away from kicking off.

"AND THEN I'M GOING TO CLAW MY WAY UP THOSE BLEACHERS AND CHOKE YOU TO DEATH WHILE CROWING A VICTORIOUS SPITE SONG, STAN, IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR WINDHOLE," Karkat turned and screeched, before spinning back to Kankri and jerking his sickles back up. "No discussion, no talking, no whiny privilege trigger hoofbeastshit, pull out your piece of shit specibus."

In another crackle of red-and-blue, Mituna showed up, the unconcious form of his Dersite body being carried with one arm slung over his shoulders. "Oh, hey, Vantas, sup, you not gonna wriggler out on this one or what?"

Whipping his head around to Stan /again/, Kankri's stare faltered. "I am most certainly /not/ going to attempt to willingly trigger my hatchclone with a known trigger point, and I find the mere suggestion simply a testament to your-" He paused, skittering backward in surprise as Karkat invaded his personal space. "...If - but if there is a disagreement which, of course, I apologize if you misconstrued any action on my part in a negative light, then - uh - how would you suggest working through it without talking?"
Sollux sniggered, letting go of Equius momentarily to help Mituna prop his spare up in an open seat.

Stan just laughed and settled in for the fight "Kenny is gonna be so sorry he missed this"
"Hey Tuna, you filmin right? I don't wanna miss a second"

When Eridan managed to look back, there were /three/ of them. Gasping audibly, he felt his knees give out and all of a sudden he was seated in the set of bleachers in front of them.

Halfway through rearranging the copy's legs, Sollux suddenly registered Eridan's question. "HOLY GRUBFUCKING SHIT NO, I haven't /tested/ it, you raging douchefin!! It's EQ!!"

Equius bent over and inspected the unconscious Mituna "Yes it could bec- tested?"
"I assure you this body could pass all manner of benchmark tests"
"I am an excellent craftsman"

"Yep, got your back M.P., no problem," Mituna nodded, lowering the sleeping derse body down between Equius and Sollux before landing on the ground and taking his camera back from Latula, spinning it around for a nice wide crowd shot.

Through his daze, Eridan heard Sollux shout Eq's name and any bit of arousal that might have been there disapated instantly. "Eq? howw did-" Four/ Now there were four Captor's seated behind him.
Whatever dispated now flung itself back in full force.

Sollux sniggered again, leaning back in his seat before stretching both arms out across the chair backs on either side of him. With one arm slouched over Equius's shoulder, he put the other across Mituna's. "Sup. PS, don't think you're going to park your nasty glutes there the whole time. Get the fuck back to your own chair, I've got an asskicking to watch."

"Okay, talk. Fix the whole fucking problem, give me back my piece of shit rustblood disguise, and fucking apologize. You have ten fucking seconds," Karkat scowled, arms crossed and mouth pulled up to show the tips of his blunted fangs at Kankri.

Meenah started to prepare the small balls of power ups and weaponry she would throw in at opportune times during the fight.

"...I." Kankri blinked, not expecting a rational, calm question in return. "You could have continued to pretend. The unique nature of our spectrum abnormalities my its nature dictates that there is a possibility that even hatchclones are not entirely identical. Perhaps I should have made that more clear, as I mistakenly assumed you would have considered this as well. I didn't intend on 'ruining' your disguise. As for correcting it, I'm not sure what you want me to do. I'm not the time player for our team, although I suppose I could speak with Damara if you wished."

Eridan eyed Sollux lounging across his twins like some show up piece of shit and shot him the nastiest look he could muster. "I ain't goin no wwhere you backstabbin fight-sabotagin fucktwwit." He spat, getting comfortable in his seat as he sat up and straightened out his back. "Havve fun starin dowwn the back a my wwell-groomed mop."


Sollux scowled, rolling his eyes and then scowling again before closing them as much as possible. With both hands, he fired up his psionics and easily plucked Eridan up. "Where should I throw him?"

Latula made herself comfortable in between the two sets of Mituna's and leaned in on the awake one's shoulder, "Has it started yet? You should focus on Kankles' face when the bad-ass version of himself goes in for the attack!"

Equius sat as stiffly as possible, posture upright "Perhaps to the moon?"

"WWHA-" Eridan spazzed, flailing around like a fish out of water before lighting up his hand. "It's like you WWANT our hard wwork to go up in fuckin wwhite smoke!"

Grinning and zooming in on the two redbloods, Mituna nodded. "His face already looks dumb as fuck so it's off to a good start. Gonna put in some sweet soundtrack here, drop the bass right when they hit, eheheh."
Karkat bared more of his teeth. "GREAT FUCKING APOLOGY. Congratulations, you rancid red fuck, you're even worse at this shit than I am, you embarrassment, now that we've established your methods do fuck all, we're going to try mine, so get out your specibus"

"Still got them iron knuckles if you want 'em" Meenah was still taking a few bets from prospitans on the outcome. Kankris cowardace was not helping place any on him.

"I'm not going to /fight/ you," Kankri replied, voice mildly scandalized as his hands remained resolutely at his sides.

Karkat drew back for a second, eyebrows knitting together even fucking tighter at the complete disrespect and dismissal. Snarling, he took a feinting swing at Kankri. "FUCK YOU!"

A surprised noise escaped his throat and Kankri skittered backward again as he threw his arms out in front of him, a single farmer's scythe appearing between both hands.
"Karkat, I /really must insist that this is a highly illogical, not to mention wigglerish way to settle our differences!!"

Equius grinned at the oncoming violence so hard he accidently bit his lip "I believe this will be extremely exciting to watch."

Both eyebrows quirked upward, Sollux slowly turned his head in Equius's direction, momentarily forgetting about Eridan's plight. "...Wow. /Wow/. Do I need to get you a towel or something else to mop up the incoming grossness? Because holy shit wow."

Latula made an impressed noise and brought out her compact recording communciator device to snap a couple pictures. "Man, Kankri's about to get serious!"

"Aw yeah Vantas-ex-Vantas LET'S GO Kankri do something that isn't hella lame for once!!" Mituna called over, rotating his camera and floating up a foot or two for a better shot.

Equius tenderly inspected his body "I do not believe a towel will be necessary...though I brought several just in case."

"I'm not settling shit, cockbag, I'm beating the shit out of you for sheer personal satisfaction!" Karkat pulled his swing, settling into a balanced stance and holding his sickles up straight. "What the fuck kind of weapon is that?!"

"PUT ME DOWWN YOU POLYAMOUROUS SELF LETCHER!" Eridan shouted, firing a warning blast directly next to the sol-bot. "I'd fuckin OBLITERATE that thing if I hadn't put so much a my owwn effort into gettin it here!"

"Mituna, unless you are about to impart something mildly meaningful for once, if you would kindly shut your noise flap I would sincerely appreciate it!!" Kankri yelped, blindly flicking a rude gesture over the back of his head while keeping both eyes on Karkat. "It's a scythe. Which I, of course, have no intention of using save for in self defence considering you attacked me!"

Equius looked offended at the implication that Eridan would be capable of destroying him, regardless of what body he was in, and attempted to TK him away. All he ended up doing was flipping his cape over his head.

"...Wow. You want to give that another try?" Sollux asked.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP," Karkat shrieked, beyond done with this as he threw himself foward into another feint, weapons up.

Equius did give it another try and ended up splitting the seat beneath eridan...as well as underneath a few hapless prospitan viewers."

Mituna sniggered at Kankri flipping them off, returning it and glancing over his shoulder at the floating Eridan with a crooked smirk. "Man, the fuck, guys, this is like, quality behind the scenes shit, do I need to break out the steadycam surround shit here?"

Kankri jumped backward again, matching the distance Karkat was putting between them - eyes wide and weapon up in front of his face.

"Yeah, sea!" Cronus stood up, clapping his hands enthusiastically. "Crab-stag's got the goods! Reap 'em homesli- yo wvhat's that?"

The failing lump up red and blue seadweller caught his attenion, his cigarette now dangerously close to falling out of his mouth.

"There is perhaps some faulty wiring in the brain of this body that renders the psiionics somewhat dificult to manage."

If he wasn't going to get to play defense, he'd play quick and brutal offense, and Karkat didn't bother to stop and continued chasing Kankri across the open space, trying to smack away the handle of the scythe.

"No, pretty sure that's just you being an uncontrollable tool," Sollux shot back, finally dropping Eridan on his ass with a sigh. "It's a grubbing psi blast, you knucklesponged fuckpod, not a punching contest."

"I am well aware of that" Equius sounded completely offended that he hadn't done it right the first time "I was holding back far less than I would in a punching contest."

Landing with an annoyed 'oomph', Eridan immediately scrambled up to grab a hold of Sollux's shirt and made to throw a punch towards his face.

Again, Kankri just continued to dance backward, sneakered feet stumbling over the pavement as he squeaked and tried to avoid each of Karkat's attacks. "Kar - Karkat!! There's no need for harm to come to anyone if you'd just settle the fuck down and discuss our differences like post-molt adults!!"

Equius cought his arm...not actually managing to stop it, as he didn't have his strength to rely on.

"Yo no fighting in the stands!" Meenah tried to shoo off several prospitans who were already muttering about refunds

Both Equius and Eridan's hand came crashing into Sollux's face. "What the fuck, ED!!" he snarled, bringing one hand up to check to see if his nose was bleeding. It fucking was, and he hissed again before clamping it back over his face and slinging a ball of psionics at Eridan's head. "You shitting chutefucker!"

"DON'T fucking tell me to settle down, what the shit, what the FUCK is wrong with you!?" Karkat continued to chase Kankri around, betting on him having to turn and fight sooner or later.

Not expecting the interuption, Eridan whisked his head around to glare whoever stopped him and gasped slightly when he noticed it was the second Sollux. Flushing, he realized he was in the middle of one of his fucking night-dreams and froze up, breath hitching slightly before Sollux
's attack brought him back into the now.

Mituna turned again, poking Latula in the shoulder with one foot and nodding her towards the fight happening in the stands even as he kept his cam on the main show. "Sup Tulip get that shit we'll splice it in the boring parts eheheh."

"What the fuck is wrong with me?! In case it wasn't terrible obvious here, I'm not the one attempting to /attack/ and /maim/ an individual who was minding his own grubfucking business simply because he has a personal problem!!" Kankri yelled back as they continued to circle the ring.

"I said no fighting in the stands!" Meenah did a rather strong leap up to where the three were fighting and broke their seats out from under them, sending them under the bleaches "You lose seat privledges!"

"Wow, what the fuck!" Sollux yelped before catching himself with psionics, floating halfway down to the ground. "He fucking started it!"

"YOU are a personal goddamn problem!!!" Giving up on following Kankri around the space, Karkat growled and threw himself into a slide, attempting to hook Kankri's leg with a sickle (and failing that, maybe kick it a bit).

"An you shoulda thrown him out. Wouldn't have been any fighting then" She pulled out her clamshell phone to get on the phone with a prospitan rental place about pulling up more bleachers to replace any damaged ones and hold any more fans.
Equius attempted to stop his fall with psiionics, failed, and landed on top of eridan.

Sollux's attack met the side of Eridan's face, zapping an earfin and damaging a good chunk of his hair. Yet right before he reeled his hand back to strike again, the bleachers fell out from underneath of him and he scrambled to latch onto the first thing he could find - Sollux's pant leg. "Like FUCK I did! HAD to put on some half-time firewworks didn't you?
" He spit out, making sure Soldux was snug under his other arm.

"That is a ridiculously inaccurate- fuck!" Kankri broke into a sprinting run this time, trying to jump over Karkat's arm and failing, instead tripping over the shorter troll and falling flat on his face.

Mituna waved a hand out, pulling Equius back up with his own psionics like a bro

"Thank you for your asstance, lowblood" Equius said, trying to sound greatful but still sounding miffed that he hadn't managed to do it himself.

On the positive side, Kankri had stopped fucking running, but on the negative he'd fallen the fuck down like a loser and also kicked Karkat in the nose on the way to do it. Karkat growled, scrambling halfway up and grabbing for Kankri's leg before the asshole could resume running

"heheheheh! Did you catch that, Mits?" Latula giggled, poiting and laughing at Kankri on the ground.

"Damn, rude," Mituna muttered, dropping Equius again for long enough that he dropped a few sharp feet before grabbing him again. At Latula's prompting he snapped his head back around, seeing Kankri down. "Oh fuck shit shit no I missed it oh my shit WHAT THE SHIT!!"

"Tuna you got one job!" Meenah desperatly tried recording with her phone "Thought you'd have the camera up with psiionics for the whole awesome anglers shit come on"

Feferi, who had showed up late with Nepeta in case a healer was needed, heard all of the commotion from the other side of the bleachers and chimed in, "Oh my glub! What just happened? Is anyone hurt?"

"What glubbin happened was missing the money shot!" Meenah said angrily before looking over. "Oh what the anglin fuck" she said very flatly as she suddenly ignored her recording duties to go over and inspect Feferi.

"No I GOT IT MP it's recorded but /I/ missed it wtf worse day ever shitting fuck." Despondant, Mituna dropped to stand on the bleachers, half-glancing at Meenah before shrugging.

Mouth pressed into a hard line, Kankri tried to scoot backward again, shaking his leg slightly to dislodge Karkat. When that didn't work, he tried to stand up as best he could with his hatchclone clamped to his foot, stumbling around with both hands out for balance. "Karkat, I - I understand you're unhappy with me, but senseless violence is probably the least grubbing sensible way to solve this."

Equius grunted and attempted to climb up from where Mituna had dropped him to, flailing like a skinny nerd.

Sollux perked up slightly as Feferi's voice drifted down to him, and he waved half-heartedly. "Hey, CC! What's up? You come for the heinous beatdown?"

"Oh yeah let's all just sit around squeezing our bulges and bitching about our problems instead!" Karkat smacked the back of Kankri's knee with the handle of his sickle, not willing to let go for a proper strike in case the idiot decided to run again

Meenah circled Feferi like a shark, looking her up and down. "You fef?

Hissing, Kankri fell to the ground again as his knee gave in. After a moment however he pushed himself back up to his feet, arms folded over his chest. "I believe I have already stated that I'm not going to fight you, but it bears repeating if you feel up to paying attention this time around."

Noticing the gaggle of Captors, Feferi brigthened up considerably and made a bee line towards the familiar faces. "Oh my! Where did all of you co-"

Something stopped her in her tracks, something she had never felt so /strongly/ before in her entire life. If the voice wasn't enough, the smell would have done it. This wasn't violet no - this was a fuschia, and she whipped her head around to glare at the source with a glare she had never given another troll to date. "Deep-ends on who wants to know."

Scrabbling up to his own feet as Kankri stumbled, Karkat took a hard swing with the flat end of one sickle, aiming for the dumbfuck's face. "Fight!!"

Kankri tensed, the motion doing nothing to make the sensation of being smacked upside the face with the broad side of a blade any more pleasant. "Again. No. We can discuss this, or we can do nothing at all."

Meenah sized her up, sharp teeth going into a kinda weird grin "gotta question princess, you got a pet cuttlefish named captain crunch?"

Mituna booed. "Damn, Vantass, that was weak, you're not even gonna dodge?!?"
Karkat stopped short for a second, completely startled by somebody who just took a hit, before swinging again. "No, fuck you, fight!!!"

"Mituna, when I require your wonderfully /observant/ opinion, I certainly be sure to ask - OW!" Kankri doubled up, rubbing at his arm as he shot Karkat a level stare.

Eridan, who had landed flat on his face when Mituna pulled Equius away from him, scrambled up from the gaping hole and spit out a mouthful of blood. "Fef? Fef wwhere'd the fuck did you-"

Right before his eyes, the two fuchia's were staring each other down in all their gorgeous imperial beauty. Making a sort of prepubescent troll whine, he clutched his knees together and hid his lower half behind the opening of the crator.

Karkat just snarled and kicked at Kankri's side where he was doubled over. "What the fuck is wrong with you!?"
"You wanna ask now?" Mituna called again, grinning under his hair and floating the camera a bit closer to the action.

"That's His Imperial Greatness Captain Crunch." Feferi corrected, her fins at alert as she too circled the other fuschia with constant eye contact. "And you? Do you have a penchant for gaudy gold jewwelry and speedy rides?"

"Once again, you are the one hitting a defenseless individual like a particularly violent and unsuitable for most audiences wigglertale villain! Why don't you answer your own question!" Kankri managed to spit out before groaning again, still somehow keeping on his feet.

"Oh I knew it was you bitch" Meenah immediatly uncaptchalogued her trident and jumped up, attempting to land down and stabbily on Feferi.

Kankri's eyes flickered off of Karkat for a moment, darting up to where the fusciabloods were squaring off. "...What are they doing?"

"Ey, I could help a brotha outta there if you wvanted a betta look at the action." Cronus called from the lip of the hole, offering Eridan a hand as the fuschia's dove for each other. "Jackpot!"

Feferi responded instantly, her trident already at the ready as she blocked her opponents fork with the handle of her own, pushing back before whirling it around and going for her neck. "This is for all the poor unfor-tuna-te souls who never had a clam-ce under your reign!!!"

Mituna just pulled a second camera out of his bag, floating it up and turning it towards Meenah and Feferi. "Eheheheheh man this is a twofer."

Karkat stopped, glancing over at the heiresses for a few seconds before shrugging dismissively. "Highblood hoofbeastshit. See, Meenah fucking fights, because she's not a useless fuck all excuse for wasted air and chutewind, unlike some assholes here who could fucking defend themselves but decided being sad and terrible excuses for a half-retarded grub missing half its legs is a better goddamn option! Fuck, how the fuck, fucking fight me or I'm going to cull you!"

"Hey, what the fuck, you two, calm down!" Less enthusiastic than Mituna, Sollux tried to worm his way toward the heiresses, shoving aside a few spectators. "CC, what gives?"

Feferi responded instantly, her trident already at the ready as she blocked her opponents fork with the handle of her own, pushing back before whirling it around and going for her neck. "What are you glubbing about? I've never met you before in my life! But like SHELL I'll lose when I've come this far!"

"Yeah but I've met you, and ima stick a fork in and declare you done before you get the chance to muck up my life!" Meenah got knocked back by the block, but immediatly rushed forward to try again, whirling the stabbing in from the side this time.

Kankri turned back toward Karkat, making no move to reach for the weapon that was still lying at his feet. "I am assuming you're referring to the barbaric definition of 'culling' as defined by your own society?"

Seeing Sollux approach, Feferi dove in his direction to make sure he didn't recieve the blow and blocked Meenah's attack once more. "Back away, Sollux! This is sea-riously dangerous and I can't promise you that you won't get hurt!!"

Karkat just took another swing, this time with the sharp edge of his sickle. "If it acts like cullbait and cries like cullbait, it's time to call the fucking drones, you moron!"

When Meenah was properly handled, Feferi swung her around by their locked tridants and made a stab for her legs. "I knew this day would come, but I never imagined I'd have to defend the throne in-game!"

"Fuck the throne, I just want you dead 'for you start meddling with me." She up and kicked Feferi in the cut while their hands were busy locking tridents. "I never wanted the throne you were promising me anyway, rules and duty and helping every troll who can't find their own asshole with two hands" She gave another very strong kick to the gut.

"Wow, yeah, that's an astute fucking observation there! It's almost like two fishfaces are trying to stick a culling fork in each other for no reason!! Fuck!" Sollux backed up regardless, careful to not get in Feferi's way. Instead he listened halfheartedly to Meenah and glanced back at Mituna. "The fuck is wrong with your version?"

Eridan noticed Sollux idiotically try to intervene on what could only be considered a dream-come-true encounter of the sexy kind. Calming himself, he swung his cape in Cronus' direction and paid him no mind whatsoever, not even registering who the fuck he was before swwooping in to draw Sollux back. "Are you pan-damaged or just obscenely obtuse? Pay your respects and let them handle their owwn affairs. Fef'll wwin. She's been trainin for this day her wwhole life."

"Meenah if you fork her how's she gonna put you in the slurry??" Mituna called over, half-frowning at the ongoing fuschia fight before looking at Sollux, hands in his pockets and legs crossed comfortably. "She's got beef with her ancestor. Or fish, ehehe, whatever the fuck. Don't know why, Imperial Radiance is fine as shit"

The two considerably 'shrimpy' kicks only fueled Feferi's desire to beat her down further, and she got to her feet only seconds later to conk Meenah upside the horns with the business end of her trident. "If you don't want the throne, then accept your fate and PEARL-ish under my trident!

Kankri shouted again as Karkat's sickle actually hit him this time, glancing off his forearm as he stupidly raised both arms in front of his face. He peered stupidly down at the trickle of red blood leaking down over his sweater. "...You cut me."

"Yo bitch that's a great idea and ima let you finish but only after I fucking krill my ancestor dead" With a hup, Meenah threw Feferi with her feet, landing her unfortunately close to the mutant fight. "Kankri take your ancestor and fuck off I gotta deal with mine"

Feferi skid to a landing just a couple meters shy of Karkat, wiping her face off with the back of her hand before jumping off the ground and disappearing behind a flash of white light. When the light gave way, she was floating above the ground with pink wings and striped green stockings, showing off her witchly life drab for all to sea. "You can't krill which can not die."

Kankri jumped in surprise as Feferi landed, trying to triangulate a safe distance between both her and Karkat. "Meenah, I would appreciate it if you would stop whatever ridiculous, petty brawling you're attempting to start and put an end to this fucking stupidity! Furthermore, it seems unnecessary to inform you yet again that you are mistaken regarding your ancestor theory, and while I am certainly not one to discourage free thinking while we are still in search of an explination, perhaps you could instead find yourself willing to engage in more important things, such as stopping Karkat from whatever you've put him up to!"

Distracted, Karkat blinked up at Feferi, furious expression growing more indignant. "What the FUCK, Peixes, you went god tier and didn't even bother to fucking inform your much fucking put upon leader? Seriously?!"

"I aint called the thief of life for nofin" Meenah threw her fork into Feferi, stabbing her through. She turned to Kankri "Fuck that I knew that bitch and I know her when I see her, that's her" She ran over to Feferi to get her fork back.

"She looks identical to you," Kankri shot back, his bored tone creeping back into his voice. "That doesn't exactly sound like indisputable proof, particularly given the unusual social norms our counterparts have already explained."

Yelping as a trident came flying past his face to spear Feferi, Karkat growled and shoved himself between her and Meenah, sickles up again. "In fact what the fuck to both of you, I don't give a fuck if she is your horrible ancestor, you're both going to stop stabbing each other for no goddamn reason and let me beat Kankri's ugly ass into the ground properly without a fucking interruption!"

"She's got the same fucking pet with the same fucking name!" Meenah wiggled the fork a bit before pulling it out, sending a fountain of fuschia flying.

"That's..." Kankri paused, face paling slightly. "Coincidental."

"She's got the same first name and talks the same glubbin way, I'm telling you, this is the same bitch that stuck her sniffer in my life and ima cut her down before that happens this time."
she poked the body with her foot "or at least get to stab her a bunch."

Sollux glanced back and forth between Mituna and Eridan, not quite sure who he was more disapointed in. "Okay, yeah, hey, let's all just sit on our grubfucking glutes and watch while one of them stabs the other one to death! Great grubfucking idea!! Who's got the grubcorn?" In a huff, he collapsed down into one of the remaining seats, scowling as he rubbed both temples.

Karkat snarled a little and pushed Meenah in one shoulder. "You stabbed her, good job, now get the fuck off my fight ring!"

The fork jabbed Feferi in the chest seconds before she could provide a counterspell. With her heart pierced, she fell to the ground and collapsed, still glowing from her god tier transformation.

"They're not our fucking ancestors!" Kankri shouted at the same time as Karkat, claws digging into his palms as he stomped closer to the fight. "I don't care about some hints and hunches no matter how - they're from somewhere called Alternia, not Beforus."

"She's like 23509098 grubbin sweeps old the planet could have easily changed names while she was alive!" She stomped on the glowing Feferi a few times "She smells the same, talks the same, has the same glubbin name and names her pets the same glubbin names. It's this bitch."
"Also explains why Her glubbin radiance had healing powers, bitch of life"

Eridan saw Feferi go down and something inside him died, turning away from the sulking Sollux and the Captorettes with his fins and heart drooping. "Fef?"

"If you want them to stop the strat isn't sit on your glutes, wtf." Leaving both cameras floating where they were, Mituna floated down until his feet hit the bleachers next to Sollux and Equius, frowning. "She's not dead for real though, not getting any voices so it's just, whatever, dumb shit, right?"

Silent for once, Kankri ignored the seadweller fight developement in favor of boring his eyes into the back of Karkat's head.

"WHO FUCKING GIVES A SHIT WHO'S WHOSE ANCESTOR," Karkat bellowed, bodily shoving Meenah away from Feferi's corpse and glaring at everyone in eyesight. "You got in a good shot, now get the FUCK OFF AND STOP INTERRUPTING ME IN MY WELL EARNED BEATDOWN SHE'S NOT EVEN ALIVE WHERE'S THE JOY IN THAT!? THERE ISN'T ANY, IT'S ALMOST AS POINTLESS AS SMACKING MC-BITCHES-A-LOT OVER THERE AROUND."

"While I do not wish an early death on the heiress...this would mean we have an official condescension" Equius offered to MItuna

"Yeah, she's god tier and that shit wasn't just or heroic. Fuck!" Sollux rubbed harder at his head, jumping down a few seats for a better look. "How long's it going to take her to get back here? Wanna cart her off before she wakes up?"

"Fine. Ima finish stabbing this bitch later. When we got a fair fight" She did prod her with the fork again before grumbling her way back to her stand.

"STOP FUCKING INSULTING ME," Kankri shouted back, swinging his right fist around to slam into Karkat's ear.

Even though Mituna's statement instilled some hope back in him, Equius' infuriated him even more. Not waiting for either Sollux or Mituna to make up their minds, Eridan darted into the rink towards the corpse, making sure to avoid his former-palemate's fight to avoid any further interuption.

"Oh dear. He seems to have reverted to his lowblooded nature and is now spewing excrement from his mouth like his counterpart." Equius watched the fight with intense interest.

"Nah, she's down not out, no o-fish-al Queen yet. Let's grab that shit before they have a whole party over her though--" Stopping as Eridan shoved past them and then at Kankri's screeching, Mituna's mouth dropped open.
Karkat stumbled, more surprised than hurt, and turned to actually look at Kankri, eyes wide for a second as he rightened himself. "What the fuck!?"

Just as he was about to scoop Feferi up, Eridan witnessed Karkat get konked upside the head rather fiercely. For a moment he considered interveneing, but Karkat just as quickly rightened himself and all was right with the world. "Fuck. Wwhat has this day evven been?" He said to himself, throwing Feferi over his shoulder to return to the sidelines. "Outta my wway, seaddweller business."

"Is that all you have to say?! More pan-less curses? I'm not FUCKING SURPRISED of course, given how every history I've read paints you as the wigglerish, LOUD-MOUTHED, INCONSIDERATE BRAT YOU ARE!" Kankri snarled, stepping forward to throw another shitty punch at Karkat's head.

"Erm..is it safe for us to leave the heiresses body with Ampora.."

"An I thought I had ancestor issues" Meenah whistled.

Now that he was watching, it wasn't hard to dodge the punch, and Karkat stared at Kankri for a long second before baring all his teeth in an exact copy of the snarl, readjusting his hold on both sickles. "I'm a brat!? I'm a fucking brat, of course, and you're the fucking Condescension herself, all hail your inability to do FUCK ALL, at least you decided hiding in the fucking storageclothing block like a whiny pathetic little wriggler wasn't working out and figured out how your fists work!"

"Yeah, it's cool. He's not as big a creep as ED two. Someone print up a fucking medal." Sollux raised his voice, shouting down to Eridan. "Hey, drop her in her tower or something! Don't be a fucking shitstick!"

Resuming his float before Eridan could shove him aside, Mituna turned back towards the cameras, waving them closer with one hand and looking way too pleased with himself

Halting mid-step, Eridan readied his hand to smack Equius down and berate him for questioning his motives. Yet for some reason his words rattled inside his brain for longer than he care for them to, and he wondered how Feferi would feel waking up to him next to her instead of someone she was actually on good terms with. Sighing, he raised his head up to meet with Sol's eyes and called back up. "No. You havve to take her. I can't be there wwhen she wwakes up, wwe're still on rocky terms. I wwasn't about to break up her destined fight, but I wwon't put salt in the fuckin wwound by bein the first one she sees wwhen she wwakes up."

"YES, you're a grubfucking brat, and a bully, and a selfish pre-putated mess who has absolutely no comprehension of considerate behavior, not to mention, if we want to 'go there', accomplishing a fucking thing during your waste of a life time! Oh actually, my sincere fucking apologies, I'm mistaken; you've managed to accomplish making life excessively more difficult for everyone else! So yes, thank you for your input, but go kindly PAIL YOURSELF on the nearest sharp object that comes your way!" Kankri's last sentance came out almost too loud to understand, words garbled together as he tried to rush Karkat, both hands extended toward his wrists as he tried to body slam him to the ground.

"Oh my fuck, nobody has to be there when she wakes up, you nooklisp. She's not a wiggler; she can handle herself." Sollux sighed, torn between handling this shit and watching the Vantas vs Vantasing going on below them. "Unless you think she's gonna fly her ass right back here."

Karkat took half a step to the side and twisted, one sickle coming up and hooking around a stupidly extended wrist, the other one coming up behind Kankri's head and smacking him with the flat of the blade as Karkat tried to trip him. "Wow even when you're fighting you're still shitty, pathetic cullbait! This is fucking insulting, I am INSULTED."

"Go for his horns!" Stan just laughed

Kankri screached indignantly, flailing and falling, and managing to grab a fistful of Karkat's sweater to drag him down with him. "You should be! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" he snarled, baring all of his teeth as he slammed both fists into whatever piece of his hatchclone was closest.

"YOU DON'T HAVE THE MENTAL FUCKING FORTITUDE TO HATE ANYBODY," Karkat screeched as he was inevitably dragged down, dropping one sickle in favor of the much more viscerally satisfying ability to punch Kankri in the nose.

"Oh goodness" Equius fanned his face "This is getting....explicite"

Eridan scowled, glaring at his ex-kismesis overhead as he hissed, "She's been wwaitin her wwhole life for this fight and she bleww it! She's goin to wwant to glub about it but I can't-"

"I'll take her!" A voice emerged from the crowd, Nepeta stumbling past them to hold out her hands to Eridan. "Nothings too purrilous a task for the Rogue of Heart! I'll have her cheered up in no time!"

Taking a deep breath, he nodded to Nepeta and handed her over. Watching her disappear into a puff of magenta smoke as she assumably god-tiered back to Derse.

Mituna glanced at Stan, barely, attention still almost completely on the fight. "Wow, no shit, right? That would be like something out of Dear Pentbulge."

"There's no way this is gonna end that isn't hilarious, I just want to see how bad it's gonna get"

"RESORTING TO SLURS NOW? I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED THAT YOUR ARSENAL OF INTELLIGENT COMBACKS IS ALREADY EXHAUSTED, CONSIDERING THAT IT WAS FUCKING EMPTY TO START WITH!" Still shrieking like an angry siren, Kankri rolled and tried to ignore the blood beginning to trickle down his face, reaching up to give Karkat's hair a satisfying yank. With the other troll wailing away on him, it was impossible to get any kind of hit in, using his free hand to shield his face in vain before jerking one leg up to knee him in the crotch.

"Tuna you gettin all the right angles, right?"

Mituna just casually flipped Meenah off, horns crackling a little with red and blue as the cameras zoomed in just close enough to be out of strike range.

Meenah laughed "Just be glad psiionics means you got your hands free while watching"

Karkat skreed at the strike, punching on hold for a second as he sucked in a hard breath of air and blinked rapidly. Letting it out, slowly, he stopped paying attention to how well he had Kankri held down in favor of shooting him a wheezy smirk. "Yeah good fucking job, that was a real persuasive argument full of words and idiotic hoofbeastshit."

Waves of magenta swirled around Eridan's frowning face as he stared off into the spot Feferi had disappeared from. With his jaw hanging slightly agape, he tried to concentrate on how exactly he could have helped the situation and kept coming up blank. He had no right to intevene in fuschia matters, but it was his class assigned duty to protect her. Did he fail his duties? And was his loyalty now with the fuschia who had her beat?

Turning around, he eyed Meenah skeptically before clenching his fangs. No fuckin wway, he thought to himself before swinging his cape around and storming over to where she stood. But right when he was about to deliver his own helping of vengence, a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks. "Wvhat giwves, chief? You could hawve been her knight in shinin armor and you gawve it up for wvat? A lowvblood to do it for you?"
Cronus threw down his unlit cigarette on the ground, stomping it out as though it had been lit and shook his head. "And you're supposed to be some knowv-it-all vwizard or somefin."

Kankri responded by trying to claw his face off, snarling like a maniac as he threw Karkat off of him and clamped his hands to his head, rolling them both sideways across the ground.

"Hey, I want a copy of that," Sollux informed Mituna, pointing up at one of the cameras. "This is grubfucking hillarious."

"You want a copy you gotta pay up. I got all the video rights to this fight, and provided the equipment." Oh she'd got horuss to provide the equipment, same deal.

"No way M.P. I get full downloads that was the deal, right?" Mituna frowned, looking at her and almost knocking a camera into the two below before he jerked it backwards and out of the way.

Leaning up against the back of the bleachers was a mirror of himself dressed in a leather coat and a beaten up pair of denim. Though his violet streak was gone, and his voice was ten times more obnoxious than his own, he could recognize all his other features as Amporian. Clealy this was the clone that everyone else spoke of with disdain, and he was starting to understand why. "Care to repeat that?"

"You do, captor 2 gotta pay up"

Still screeching in a way that rivaled anything crabdad would pull, Karkat first tried landing a solid fist but couldn't get a decent shot, rolling and spitting and hissing as bright lines of pain arced across his face. Flailing, Karkat tried using the remaining sickle he had to shove Kankri off, which almost worked until the suddenly rolled again and he felt the distinctive sensation of solid flesh giving way.

"You blevw it! I'm disappointed. Here I wvas thinkin I could meet a younger cooler wversion a the old man I remembered from my days as a wvriggler and you're off hawvin cullees doin the cool shit for you. Wvhen did you lose your globes?" Cronus choffed, rolling his eyes and shugging himself off the metal pillar. "I'm goin to see wvhats up with the Serket clone."

"Yeah, sure, whatever, send me a memo for the ransom, you knucklesponged armtwister." Sollux waved abscently at Meenah with one hand, peering down at the fight.

"Copyrights a beach" Meenah grinned.

With his hand still glowing at his side, Eridan focused his attack away from Meenah and instead blasted the mockery of an Ampora before him. "Go the FUCK ahead! You twwo suite eachother fuckin PERFECTLY!"

"No fighting in the stands!" A pink clamshell broach hit Cronus and bounced into Eridans face.

Kankri's screaching ended with an abrupt "-Hrk," the other troll pitching forward and jerking both arms around his stomach. He warbled again, this time in distress before his body convulsed unpleasantly, thinkplan starting to cloud over. His entire arm was coated in something and he refused to look down, gagging instead as he abruptly hacked up a mouthful of blood.

"Damn MP you just make that rule up or what cuz last time I checked you were forking all kind of--" Glancing sideways at Meenah and dragging himself back to the fight as he talked, Mituna stopped abruptly at the sudden development, cameras going stock still from their earlier swooping movements.

The clamshell broke appart on impact, breaking apart near his brow and cutting two violet lines above his left eyebrow. Snarling, he picked up the pieces and threw them back at Meenah, storming back towards the fight with blood trickling down his face and hands all aglow. "Fuck that! I ain't listenin to you! You'll pay for wwhat you did to Fef I swwear to FUCK!"

Meenah laughed at Eridan before turning to Kankri "Woah! You said you were gonna leave him in working confishion!"

"I still gotta use him to win the game!"

Karkat was hit in the face with a splat of red blood, and for a second he snarled even louder, indignation pitching up as he swiped at his face and got ready to throw himself back at Kankri before freezing. That. Was a lot of red. He made a small frown, looking sideways at his sickle, which was bright red and dripping, and dropped it with a squeak.

Meenah ran up to Kankri "Ship this. Fight over." She grabbed up Kankri

Kankri hacked up another mouthful of blood, thick globs dripping down over his chin that did nothing to distract from the paniced look in his eyes. He gave a halfhearted attempt at scooting away from Karkat, scraping one heel into the ground before Meenah jerked him upright. He shrieked worldessly in response, arm loosening as a rush of dark-tinged red gushed out of the wound that reached from his side clean across his stomach.

"Oh my fuck, oh my fuck, what the fuck even -- what did you do," Karkat spit, half at Kankri and half at himself, kicking backwards a little and putting his hand in a puddle of -- holy fucking shit. "What the FUCK?!"

Just as he was about to burn two fist sized holes in the back of the fuschia's torso, Eridan heard a familiar distressed squeak come from the center of the fight circle and all his rage subsided into unsettling and deep concern. There in the center of the make-shift area stood a red-covered and disarmed Karkat Vantas, obviously shaken and mortified. All of a sudden there was no dead feferi or disgraceful dancestor, all there was in his life was a troubled Karkat who needed him right then and now.

"Holy shit!" Sollux was halfway down the bleachers behind Eridan. "Fuck, CC's our healer; who the shit's yours?"

"We got a winner" Meenah waved a hand at Karkat, she pulled Kankri up and pulled her up into her arms. "None of us high leveled enough"
"We got the next best thing. Ima go to the moon. Captor, you gonna gimmie some TK help or make me run up that whole chain?"

"You guys have a healbot??" Mituna spit back, following right along as the cameras clattered downward. Mouth stretching out into a glare, he lit up Karkat and dragged him a few feet away, leaving a smear of blood before turning right back to Meenah. "Got you, which one we hitting?"

Latula gasped at the sight standing up and reaching out for Mituna as he left. "Oh man, I hope he hasn't bit the curb!"

Mouth open, Kankri tried to reply but a thick rattle was all his throat was willing to make. Instead he pinned Karkat with a frantic, confused stare, glaring at him until his vision went black, eyes still open.

"He's prospit, we goin in there, I think I can keep him alive till he we get there. Ship. Ship."

"....oh carp"

Karkat just stared back, breathing hitching up higher and higher as he clenched his fingers into the palms of his hands and shook his head. "No, okay, no, that's not- this was a dumbass piece of shit fucking bullshit fight not a -- that's not -- he's not --"

"I can't"

"...Carp. He's dead" She dropped the body. "He's not gonna let this one slide."

"What the fuck do you mean you can't?!" Mituna rounded, voice pitching and catching the body before it hit the ground. "What the FUCK MP don't DROP HIS ASS!!"

"I can keep someone alive, I can't bring 'em back" She said flatly. "Aint gonna hide that this fight wasn't a good plan. But this body aint gonna help us fix it now."

Sollux frowned, creeping around the back of the dancestor knot toward where Karkat appeared to be busy having a mild freakout. "Hey. You okay?"

She tried to wipe off a bit of the blood she was now soaked in.

Still up in the stands, Vriska cackled gleefully, popping some grubcorn into her mouth before holding both hands above her head and beginning to clap.

"He died, he's dead, he--" Karkat continued to stare at the spreading red stain around Kankri's middle, voice pitching ever higher until it was a thin little howl. "HE'S FUCKING DEAD OH MY GOD."

"Encoooooooore!!!!!!!!"

Stan was laughing so hard he threw up.
"Once we smooch this body it's nofin but chump change to us"
"Goodness this fight was......titilating...do you think any of the blood will stain."

Meenah grabbed Kankris body by the hair and gave the gross bleedy mouth a quick smooch.

"Oh my fuck, SHUT UP, you gross nookwoof and get the shit out of my corpse!" Sollux shouted, flipping Equius off with both hands.

"Very well, I will cease posessing this body and resume my own, far superior one." Equius scrunched his face and tried to concentrate on un-posessing a body. However that works.

At the sight of Meenah presumably sticking her tongue down his dead corpsecopy's redstained mouth, Karkat turned sideways and promptly puked

"....this may be more difficult than I thought"

"What the SHIT are you doing?!" Mituna grabbed for Kankri's body, eyes lighting up behind his hair as he jerked it out of her arms. "What in the shit, Meenah?!"

"Uh, reviving his spare?" Sollux wrinkled his nose in confusion, voice lilting up as he glanced down at the sight of his hatchclone manhandling Karkat's hatchclone. "Didn't you shits read the manual?"

"Wakin the chump up." Meenah shrugged, wiping some of the blood from her lips and just smearing red across her face.

Eridan looked from Meenah back to Sollux back to Karkat and waged an internal war within himself over what his role in this was. Would he stand beside Sollux and be the good ashenmate he promised Kar he'd be, or would he fuck all that to do what his pusher was telling him to do.

The answer was obvious.

"Karkat!" He shouted out, by-passing the crowd of trolls entirely as he stumbled into the blood spattered circle at full speed. Finally reaching Kar, he accidently slid on the puddle of puke and landed smack dab on top of him, not giving a single fuck as he took the bloody, shaking, pitiful thing in his arms and held him close. "Wwhere do you wwant to go? Name a place I'll take us anywwhere!"

Equius continued to make contorted and awful faces as he tried to un-possess a body.

"...There's a manual?" Pausing, Mituna frowned down at the corpse he'd grabbed pretty possessively before dropping it suddenly, straightening like he hadn't just been giving two shits. "Oh yeah okay."

Sollux glanced sideways at Eridan's antics, scowling once before sighing loudly and turning away, shoving his glasses upward so that he could pinch the bridge of his nose. "Yes, it's full of all sorts of exciting shit like how to play this nookshiting game. It's great. Highly fucking recommended."

"He's gonna be wakin up in his tower. He'll be fine" Gears started turning in her head "No one tell Porrim"

Just as Eridan wrapped Karkat in his arms, a glowing troll emerged from the crowd to look down upon the dead Kankri Vantas, staring at it blankly before shrieking in to the night.

"He's dead oh my fuck I killed him I culled him I culled him," Karkat repeated, staring at Eridan with huge eyes, not paying the least bit of attention to whatever the fuck the seadweller had been asking.

Still munching away like a dickshit, Vriska dug her hand into the bottom of her grubcorn bag. "Who's Porrim?"

"Carp" Meenah said as she saw Porrim.
She whipped out her megaphone and yelled "BAIL" before running to her stand and grabbing her cashbox, fleeing the scene.

The glowing troll knelt down next to the body, hovering over it with hollow, disbelieving eyes before glowering at the trembling troll in Eridan's arms. "You. You murderer!" Porrim started, pointing a finger at Karkat as she ranted and raved. "What did he do to you? ANSWER ME! What did he DO to you!"

Karkat just stared at Porrim over Eridan's shoulder, mouth working wordlessly.

Seeing that no one else was bailing, Meenah once again yelled through her magaphone "RUN MORONS". The prospitans all left in a mass exodus

"Weeeeeeeell, I guess that's all the fun I can stand for once morning!" Vriska sniggered before following suit and kicking her rocket boots into life, blasting off into the iconosphere.

Mituna just grabbed Sollux by the upper arm, ignoring the amount of red blood he'd gotten on his hand and dragging his hatchclone back over to Latula. "Time to bail, Porrim's gonna flip a tit."

Watching in horror as Porrim stumbled to her feet in a mad dash towards them, Eridan held onto Karkat with all his strength and sprouted his wings, kicking off the ground in a rush to escape from the jade-blood's wrath.

"Wow, uh. Yeah, okay, fuck!" Sollux let himself be dragged away from what was apparently about to become ground fucking zero, stumbling slightly before getting his feet out from under him. "Oh wait, fuck gotta grab the doubles."

Equius just stayed stuck on the bleachers trying to will himself out of a body.

Zigzagging over to where Equius was still busy looking constipated, Sollux clamped both hands down on his arms, unceremoniously zipping up into the sky back back toward Mituna.

Thinking he was in the clear, Eridan breathed a sigh of relief before realizing that Karkat's pant leg was caught on something. Porrim's claws.

"Wait- I need to bring my own body!" Equius tried to grab it with psiionics as they went by, succesfully picking it up, but smashing it through every building they passed on the way.

"Oh shit yeah, Captorship is leaving on the double beep beep let's go time for liftoff," Mituna lit up his own derse body and lifted it towards them, looping its arm over his shoulder before picking up Latula and grabbing her hand.

"Hey, you got any videogames in your tower?" Sollux lisped, wincing as Equius's corpse smashed through another wall.

Karkat screeched and kicked Porrim square in the face in a panic, pulling loose and immediately clawing his way further up Eridan to get a good deathgrip on his neck and away from glowing vampiric jadebloods.

"Come BACK here!" Porrum screeched, not letting go as her eyes locked in on the red-blooded mutant that seemed to mock her by his eerily similar appearance to her beloved. "Blood for Blood! Hand him ov-"

Stan was still laughing too hard to breath on the stands.

The kick to the face landed her next to the bleeding Kankri, both trolls sprawed out on the red soaked ground as Eridan cradled Karkat deeper into his chest and pet his hair, whispering what he could to calm Karkat down as they flew towards the tower that would take them home.

"Vidya? Yeah, let's go play some vidya, holy shit, this is some btard level fuckups here." Shaking his head, Mituna readjusted his hold on both his passengers before starting in the direction of his own dreamtower

Sighing, Latula gripped onto Mituna a little tighter than she probably intended, staring back at her dead friend with a frown. "Oh man. Poor Kanks. We really messed up here, didn't we MT?"

"Yeah, that was some seriously cullbait-level fuckery. Great job, all. Real grade fuschia job there. We suck." Sollux rolled his eyes and zipped after them.

"Perhaps I could use his body to create an extra body for him?" Equius tried to stabalize himself after being thrown around through the sky

"If you can get it out of Maryam's claws maybe," Mituna just shook his head, completely befuddled by the amount of total fuck up going on in the last ten minutes. "Man, we're shit at this game. 0/10 should never play again."